[accidental video]

[pencilpremonition]

[Not long after the assembly...]

[Becca has a PDA with video function now, but she's had that for a little bit. That's not the important thing. She tosses it onto her bed and it turns on accidentally. She sits down with a memory charm, which she puts on eagerly. Almost immediately, her eyes go wide, and she tips over onto the bed, drawing her knees to her chest. She cries out in fear and remembered pain, shuddering horribly as tears fall from her eyes.]

[WARNING: Becca just got back a memory involving a physically abusive childhood. While she won't dump this on just anyone who responds, there is a good chance it might come up at least in passing. PLEASE indicate your limits when responding so I can keep her responses within your comfort zone. I can keep threads completely trigger free if that's what you would like, but please tell me what you need. Please exercise caution when reading comment threads to this entry as there may be triggering content in the individual threads.]

Comments

[pencilpremonition]

The only happy memory I have....is him....he's all in shadows cause I can't remember... I can remember how he smells, I can remember what he feels like in my arms, and I can't remember him...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

... Then try focusing on me until it passes?

[pencilpremonition]

You're...the best. I could kiss you.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex hugs her a bit more tightly, laughing.] M-my last attempt at that went terribly....

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah? What happened?

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex pulls back a bit, then away, though he kept her hand in his.] W-well, I was dating this g-girl my freshman year. I dunno if I r-really liked her, b-but after some months she k-kissed me. I screamed and fled t-to a corner.

[action]

[savedbyasong]

[He held her tightly, worried about her.] How?

[pencilpremonition]

[She squeezes his hand gently, finding it easy enough to shift her upset into worrying about him.]

You...you got touched...that way...as a kid. Didn't you?

[It makes her skin crawl thinking about it, not that she's near someone who's been through that, but that it happened to someone she cares about. She wants to pull him back into her arms and hold him, but she doesn't want to freak him out.]

I don't...remember my dad at all... I hope it's cause he left or something and not that... I'm just missing a memory...of that...

[audio]

[greenspaces]

Sure. I know a lot of them too, maybe some you haven't heard. Are you in Black dorm?

[audio]

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah. 2-B.

[action]

[pencilpremonition]

My...my mom. She'd put her cigarettes out on me whenever she was mad.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex actually pulls his hand away when she asks that, turning away and sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the bed. His voice is quiet and he pulls his legs to his chest.]

No one here knows, a-and I like that. I j-just was hit by Father and w-was tested on like a r-rat. That's why I h-hate being t-touched; n-not because Father u-used to set m-me up on 'playdates'.

I wish I d-didn't remember him! O-or any of the other people, and I d-don't r-remember everything. Didn't b-before getting here. The b-bits I d-don't remember should s-stay forgotten!

[pencilpremonition]

Alex.

[She cuddles into his sweatshirt, but despite her tears, her voice is serious.]

Alex, I'd rather cut my tongue out than tell anyone. Okay? I won't... I'd never... Please don't be scared. I'd... I'd rather die than make you suffer being outed that, okay? I'll...

[She reaches her hand down, offering it to him.]

We're in this together. I promise.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[He takes a moment, then sighs] I-I meant to c-come here ta comfort you.

I-I guess you j-just saw past the veil I h-have up. If everyone's th-thinking I'm so skittish b-because of the tests and the physical abuse... n-no one will suspect anything else....

N-not even Loretta a-and Mikel knew for a l-long time....

[pencilpremonition]

It's...cause we're too similar. You can't lie to me and I can't lie to you. It's...

[she gets down and sits beside him, scooting close but not close enough to touch]

We're in this together. And that'll make us strong...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex nods, quiet for another moment before asking softly,] ... n-nothing l-like that happened t-to you, d-did it?

[pencilpremonition]

I don't know. There's...still a lot of holes. But...I'm okay with hugging and kissing people? So maybe not.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

You're n-not p-prom-miscuous either, so you're p-probably lucky.

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah...my...my affection's for my friends. Not...just anybody.

...You're my friend.

[She blushes softly and looks away.]

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex blushes so hard that his ears go a bright red too. He shifts a bit, tensing, but also smiling.] Ah, y-y-you're m-my f-friend too.

[pencilpremonition]

You're...you're really special to me, actually. I uhm.

I'm...I'm...

[She sighs, trying to take his hand without actually looking over at him.]

If I were a normal person I guess I should be creeped out by what happened to you or something, I dunno... That isn't fair but that's what's normal.

But I just... It's different. I understand. Well, the being knocked around part. And I just...

I...

[Action]

[frozenmemories]

[She kept stroking Becca's hair, trying to comfort her the best she could. Alcohol being evil? She never saw it as evil before, although she did tend to stay away from the stuff unless forced otherwise. But she questioned it as a child would.]

Did it turn her evil..?

[action]

[pencilpremonition]

Uh-huh.

[Much as Becca wants to believe she's a grown up and clear of all of her issues, when it comes to alcohol and her mother's abuse, she's still very much a child. It's easier to blame the abuse on 'evil alcohol' than accept it in a more mature way.]

Re: [action]

[savedbyasong]

[Shion froze when she spoke... Her mum? In Shion's experience mums were safety, warmth, friendliness.

He held her tight and didn't speak, couldn't speak. He was trembling with anger that someone would have done this to Becca.]

[action]

[pencilpremonition]

[She cuddled into him, knowing that it was hard to respond to what she'd just said. She didn't expect him to make it better, there wasn't really a way to do that, anyway. She just wanted him to hold her and love her anyway.]

I'm...I'm broken...my family...

I'm so useless, not even my mother wanted me...