[accidental video]

[pencilpremonition]

[Not long after the assembly...]

[Becca has a PDA with video function now, but she's had that for a little bit. That's not the important thing. She tosses it onto her bed and it turns on accidentally. She sits down with a memory charm, which she puts on eagerly. Almost immediately, her eyes go wide, and she tips over onto the bed, drawing her knees to her chest. She cries out in fear and remembered pain, shuddering horribly as tears fall from her eyes.]

[WARNING: Becca just got back a memory involving a physically abusive childhood. While she won't dump this on just anyone who responds, there is a good chance it might come up at least in passing. PLEASE indicate your limits when responding so I can keep her responses within your comfort zone. I can keep threads completely trigger free if that's what you would like, but please tell me what you need. Please exercise caution when reading comment threads to this entry as there may be triggering content in the individual threads.]

Comments

[pencilpremonition]

C-come in...

[She's choked up with tears, but at least her voice is strong.]

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex lets himself in, heading to Becca's side and kneeling next to her.]

... D-do you w-wanna talk about it?

[pencilpremonition]

I...remember...my scars...

[She pants heavily and closes her eyes, starting to sob.]

Oh god I've even showed them to people...everybody knows...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex frowns swallowing a bit. He indicates the sweatshirt he wears over his school uniform, tugging the sleeve.] I've a-always used this to hide mine... w-would it m-make you feel b-better if I took it off? Th-then you wouldn't be the o-only one at least.

[pencilpremonition]

[She shudders, shaking her head and sobbing harder.]

That's so sweet that's the sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me but no I know how much it hurts now you don't have to do that....

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex stops a moment, but then takes off his sweatshirt, revealing countless scars and burns up and down his arms. The scars on his neck were more obvious without the sweatshirt covering the back of his neck.

He takes his sweatshirt and puts it on her shoulders, pulling it close around her.]

[pencilpremonition]

[She cuddles into it for a few moments, then shifts to reach out to him instead. She doesn't just grab, but she does make it quite clear she wants a hug.]

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex is really hesitant but then smiles a bit and puts his arms around her, petting her hair a bit.] I-it's okay, Becca.

[pencilpremonition]

[She snuggles into him, calming down a bit for having someone to hold onto.]

I...I'm remembering every single mark...at the same time...it hurts so much... I can't wait till it settles down and goes back to being a memory in the back of my head instead of running around like crazy like this....

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

Think of something else... s-something nice, w-warm. S-something good from when you w-were young. I think about... I ... oh, when f-father would play catch with me! [That wasn't it. He knew that wasn't it. His father wouldn't ever go a whole afternoon without at least insulting him, but he couldn't remember what he thought of.]

[pencilpremonition]

The only happy memory I have....is him....he's all in shadows cause I can't remember... I can remember how he smells, I can remember what he feels like in my arms, and I can't remember him...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

... Then try focusing on me until it passes?

[pencilpremonition]

You're...the best. I could kiss you.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex hugs her a bit more tightly, laughing.] M-my last attempt at that went terribly....

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah? What happened?

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex pulls back a bit, then away, though he kept her hand in his.] W-well, I was dating this g-girl my freshman year. I dunno if I r-really liked her, b-but after some months she k-kissed me. I screamed and fled t-to a corner.

[pencilpremonition]

[She squeezes his hand gently, finding it easy enough to shift her upset into worrying about him.]

You...you got touched...that way...as a kid. Didn't you?

[It makes her skin crawl thinking about it, not that she's near someone who's been through that, but that it happened to someone she cares about. She wants to pull him back into her arms and hold him, but she doesn't want to freak him out.]

I don't...remember my dad at all... I hope it's cause he left or something and not that... I'm just missing a memory...of that...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex actually pulls his hand away when she asks that, turning away and sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the bed. His voice is quiet and he pulls his legs to his chest.]

No one here knows, a-and I like that. I j-just was hit by Father and w-was tested on like a r-rat. That's why I h-hate being t-touched; n-not because Father u-used to set m-me up on 'playdates'.

I wish I d-didn't remember him! O-or any of the other people, and I d-don't r-remember everything. Didn't b-before getting here. The b-bits I d-don't remember should s-stay forgotten!

[pencilpremonition]

Alex.

[She cuddles into his sweatshirt, but despite her tears, her voice is serious.]

Alex, I'd rather cut my tongue out than tell anyone. Okay? I won't... I'd never... Please don't be scared. I'd... I'd rather die than make you suffer being outed that, okay? I'll...

[She reaches her hand down, offering it to him.]

We're in this together. I promise.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[He takes a moment, then sighs] I-I meant to c-come here ta comfort you.

I-I guess you j-just saw past the veil I h-have up. If everyone's th-thinking I'm so skittish b-because of the tests and the physical abuse... n-no one will suspect anything else....

N-not even Loretta a-and Mikel knew for a l-long time....

[pencilpremonition]

It's...cause we're too similar. You can't lie to me and I can't lie to you. It's...

[she gets down and sits beside him, scooting close but not close enough to touch]

We're in this together. And that'll make us strong...

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

[Alex nods, quiet for another moment before asking softly,] ... n-nothing l-like that happened t-to you, d-did it?

[pencilpremonition]

I don't know. There's...still a lot of holes. But...I'm okay with hugging and kissing people? So maybe not.

[afraid_of_my_shadow]

You're n-not p-prom-miscuous either, so you're p-probably lucky.

[pencilpremonition]

Yeah...my...my affection's for my friends. Not...just anybody.

...You're my friend.

[She blushes softly and looks away.]