rakuen | Regaining more memories

Characters: Lelouch vi Britannia, Suzaku Kururugi
Format: Prose
This log is: closed
Location: a courtyard near the arena
Summary: Lelouch gets back a memory
Warnings: ANGST AND RAEG also Dat Icon

He knew no memory was safe in his mind. Lots of things could be and have been taken from him. What crippled Nunnally. His mother's face. There was something off about his cooking. How Shirley had died. Who had detonated the warhead that had nearly killed Nunnally. How he had reconnected with Rolo. And there were more, either that he had not yet come upon, or were too wrapped up with others to be even considered for now.

He walked along with Suzaku, memory charm in its pouch in his pocket, until they came to a bench under a tree. There was still a chill in the air, but that only meant there'd be less people around. Suzaku's dorm was far too crowded for this kind of thing.

Since it was dry, he sat down, and crossed a leg over the other at the knee. He didn't say anything at first. Instead of the persistent frown, though, there was a more obvious depressed expression on his face. If Suzaku looked into his eyes carefully, he'd see that they were flat, fixated on Nunnally lying comatose in the infirmary. Really, this little excursion to buy the memory charm was possibly just a ploy by Suzaku to get him out of there for a little while. But he didn't really fight it. He would be back with her soon enough.

He was furious. Despite how defeated he looked, there was a hot rage burning in him. One that roiled up any time he was not near her. He was so full of rage that his mind was clouded. He had no move. He didn't dare risk any large overtures in case it only compounded her problem. Or maybe someone had found out he was Zero? He needed a plan. He needed focus.

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He glanced up at Suzaku, and finally pulled the pouch from his pocket. He opened it, and attached it to his bracelet.

This experience was not as jarring as the last. It was much more subtle. His eyes were blank and faraway, but what he saw now was much more pleasant than before. A woman, with long black hair, a kind and gentle smile, bright eyes. Yes, that was his mother's face. He still remembered it keenly after all these years. Even without any photos.

He saw her as well as he could if she were standing right in front of him. He reached a hand out to her. He stood, in a slow way one might expect of a sleepwalker.

But all at once it was gone. He was left blinking and staring off into space. He looked like he'd been about to follow something that he'd wanted very much. But it had disappeared.

Suzaku watched, it did not seem to be an awful memory but he blinked when Lelouch stood. He remained silent for a few moments waiting for Lelouch to recover from the memory before asking quietly, almost fearfully. "What did you remember?"

He didn't answer right away, taking a moment to revel in the feelings that came through him. "My mother's face. I can see her now." He smiled a bit, in spite of himself. It did do much to elevate his mood, though it likely wouldn't last.

His mothers face? Suzaku frowned. He had only met Marianne once, at Raganorks junction. He knew that Lelouch couldn't remember that though; or more seemed to not have experianced that yet. As if he had stepped out of an earlier time.

Suzaku looked down, he knew how important his mother had been to Lelouch, the quest to find the truth about her death had been his driving force and finding out the truth had led to him planning Zero Requiem.

Suzaku blinked away the headache and remained silent, if this memory made Lelouh happy then he was not about to shatter it. Not with Nunnally in a coma and Suzaku already having betrayed him. If it was something Lelouch remembered then they would deal with it then, if truly it was something that had not happened to Lelouch yet then Suzaku would remain silent.

Lies were wrong, but sometimes they were necessary and sometimes they were kind.

"I am glad it was a good memory."

He nodded to Suzaku, and his eyes trailed over toward where Nunnally was in the infirmary. It took the edge off of the pleasantness of the memory, but he still hadn't gone back to where he started.

But while the memory had been nice, the fact that it had been taken in the first place was enraging. Removing the memories of pain and loss was one thing. Eliminating one of the few good and pure things in his life was entirely another. A hand curled into a fist, and he lowered his head, his face hidden behind his shaggy hair. He was back in that cave. Before his father. Before the Emperor's Geass. His left eye held closed (as if it had ever posed a threat in the first place) and his right held open against his well.

His shoulders began to shake, and he seemed in danger of teetering over.

Edited 2012-02-27 14:55 (UTC)

Suzaku looked over as well, and then back to Lelouch. He knew he was worried about his sister and they should probably go back soon. Though breaks were important the longer Lelouch was away from her the more worried he would become.

Suzaku was about suggest that when Lelouch started violently shaking. He stepped forward to steady him, wondering if there had been an extra part to the memory.

When Suzaku came toward him, Lelouch grabbed onto him desperately. When he did, he began to settle down. "Bastards!" he grumbled. "They'll answer for taking her from me. For taking parts of Nunnally from me!" There was some hysterical desperation in his voice.

Edited 2012-02-28 17:19 (UTC)

Suzaku stood silently letting Lelouch grab him, wondering what had happened. At his words he understood more... sort of. Lelouch had issues when it came to memory loss but whenever he tried to think of why, or what had caused it Suzaku felt dizzy.

Something to do with Charles... Suzaku nodded, "They will... but we can't do anything when she is still unconscious."

He was right, she was far too delicate right now. Doing anything to upset the system right now could take her away for good, so soon after getting her back. He was going to have to put his plans on hold until she woke up.

He began to recover himself, slowly. His shoulders squared, and he stood up straighter. He loosened his grip on Suzaku's clothes.

Suzaku was glad that Lelouch was slowly calming down, he stood still in case Lelouch lost his calm again but nodded. They had to wait, wait until Nunnally was better, and concentrate on trying to win.

He still leaned on Suzaku a bit, clearly needing some closeness at the moment. "I am going to go mad here. There will be nothing left of me when we get home."

Suzaku let him lean on him, but at the words he gripped his shoulders. "No. You wont Lelouch, I wont let you." Despite the fact he was confused himself, that he felt like he might go mad. This could not happen. They had to find a way home, so they could beat Schneizel, go through with Zero Requiem. It was the only thing that mattered.

Regaining more memories - Tuesday

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