rakuen | Lakeside hiding again!

Entry tags:

Lakeside hiding again!

Characters: Cirno and You!
Format: I'll follow
This log is: Open
Location: Lakeside on Rest day
Summary: Cirno has up and vanished once more, but sadly has chosen the same place as the last time to hide out. She's feeling really guilty about the punishment and wants to give some space to everyone, thinking that everyone is mad at her.

Cirno had once again vanished, ignoring her PDA to hide out. She was sure people were going to be upset with her after that. Every image was burned into her mind and she could not get it out of her mind. Although she had her knees to her chest, she looked ready to dart at any second..

She wanted to just go home. That's all she really wanted to do right now and give up.

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Becca hadn't intentionally sought her out. She was just wandering about in general. However, when she saw Cirno, saw her looking so dejected, she sat down beside her and put her arm around her without saying a word. Cirno could talk or not as she needed to.

Cirno about jumped out of the arm and took off but calmed seeing who it was. She leaned into Becca a bit mumbling softly, "I wanna go home Becca...They might have called me stupid but at least no one had to be hurt..."

She hugged her tightly, trying to tug Cirno in to put her head on her shoulder. "I wish I could send you home. But right now we have to be here, and that means being strong enough to protect the people here that are weaker than us. Even if it means getting hurt to spare them."

Cirno didn't even resist. She was shaking like a leaf as she spoke, never bringing her voice over the mumble, "I know..But I didn't even get hurt..They made me hurt others..Everyone is gunna be mad and be mad at me...It's all my fault."

She shut her eyes tightly. She really felt like she messed up and just wanted to go home where no one had ever heard of Rakuen.

She shook her head insistently. "No, no. That's not how it is. We're all forced into things here, and part of what they're doing to us is making us hurt each other. That's not to say any of us are better. It's... It's torture. They're trying to drive us insane and make us hurt. Because being hurt may hurt, but then it's over, it's nothing but a memory. But being made to hurt someone else...that'll stay with you for the rest of your life."

She kept quiet, listening. She was shaken up and would probably still be for a while. There were words said that she didn't understand.

"Well..they suc-...suc...They did what they wanted. I shoulda refused....But..What's tor...torchers?"

"Torture? It's... It's the word for hurting people for no reason other than to make them suffer. And it can be physical or mental. Mental torture is worse...it messes with your head really badly," she explained, stroking Cirno's hair gently. "But it doesn't make you a bad person if you've lived through it."

She just closed her eyes, nodding to what Becca was saying. It made sense as she thought about it. This whole thing would mess with her for a while but she was understanding it. "Oh...I think I understand...I still feel really bad about it though..."

"That's what makes it horrible. You're going to be okay, though," she promised, stroking Cirno's hair gently. "I've been tortured, too. I still have the scars from it, will for the rest of my life."

Cirno opens her eyes and wipes at her eyes a bit. She'd calmed down quite a bit sense first coming out to the lake. She was still worried that she would get into class and get punched or something but at the time being, it was not on her mind. She looks to Becca with her eyes, "You have..? OH! That memory charm memory huh?"

She nodded weakly, pulling back and rolling up her sleeve to show the many horrible burn scars decorating her skin. They were all healed by now, but the dark discolourations would stay with her for life. "They're...all over. And I think...I'd rather it were this way. At least I've got scars. You're hurt just as bad, but there's no way to show anyone..." She rolled her sleeve down and moved to pull Cirno back into her arms.

She does not hesitate and hugs Becca tightly. She is quiet now, her shaking stopped. She sits there like this, eyes shut with the tiniest of smiles on her face. She really hopped Becca would not disappear like others had before. "Thanks Becca.."

"Of course," she promised, hugging her back nice and tight. She shifted a bit, pulling Cirno into her lap and resting her chin on top of the smaller girl's head. It felt good to be needed again.

[Anya, not really getting that sometimes people just want to be alone, sees Cirno by the lake and goes to stand by her. She isn't sure why she does it, probably something about Becca telling her that she's not really... human. At least she was making an effort?]

Hello.

[She was not expecting a Hello. So the amount she jumped and flailed about a bit were probably not expected either. She landed on her butt and blinked for a moment, confused. ]

Uh....Hi?

[Anya doesn't really notice her confusion]

It's nice out.

[She sits back up, looking at her curiously. She peaks slowly, unsure about what to expect.]

Uh...Yeah..It is.

What are you doing?

Just watchin' the lake...Thinkin' about stuff.

[Not quite a lie but not the whole truth either.]

Suzaku was actually searching for Cirno, he had been there when the orders about the punishment had come through and he knew she had not wanted to do it. But she had, since it was made very clear that she had no choice. It seemed like everything here, being a Prefect was one that came with many problems.

Suzaku knew guilt, he had done so much that he was ashamed of, hurt many under orders. He knew that knowing you had no choice did not ease the guilt at all, and truthfully he had no idea what he was going to say to Cirno if he found her. After all, he still felt just as guilty today for everyone he had ever killed as he had when it had happened.

But she seemed so upset about it that he wished to help, even if it were to only listen. She seemed incredibly young after all, too young to bear such a burden; even if Suzaku had bore more guilt than he could handle since he was much younger than she was.

He finally found her and came to stand in front of her, "Hello Cirno."

She was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear him approach. Although once she heard his voice, she tensed for a split second, looking ready to dart away. Before she did, she did look to see who it was who had found her. She did not relax a bit but did hold her ground for the moment, "H-Hello Suzaku..Wh-What are you doing here?"

She didn't know why he was there, but was taking no chances on being unprepared. She was learning from her mistakes in every situation at this rate.

"I was looking for you." Now that he had found her he felt unsure about what to say. But she was so young, about as young as Nunnally... He sat down next to her. "How are you?"

"Looking for me? Why?" She still sat still, but it was obvious by her body language that one wrong word and she'd be gone. She paused for a moment, leaning back on her arms and sighing, "I guess alright for the most part." Now if she was lying intentionally or if she wasn't even sure, her face could not say but she wasn't alright. The fact shown in her eyes and actions.

Suzaku could tell that she wasn't okay but nodded anyways, "Because it was unfair what they made you do... They seem to have a very unjust way of doing things here though." It was an opening, to see if she wanted to talk.

With a soft nod, Cirno relaxed a bit. She watches the water for a moment before speaking again, "All of this is unfair...The penalty, I think I'm used to it on me but...Hitting others with it was not something I want to do ever again." She was talking a bit, but was still being a bit guarded.

"I know, but you might not have a choice." He didn't quite look at her, but off to the distance a little. "If we are to have any chance of getting out of here we have to follow their rules..."

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Lakeside hiding again!

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