the most wonderful class of the year

[themidwife]

Characters: The Midwife... and YOU. (If you're a Fortitude student. Or if you sneak in I guess WHO KNOWS.)
Format: Action. Please, god.
This log is: open.
Location: In his classroom.
Summary: Day X of Sex Ed with Professor Midwife.
Warnings: Language and lots of screaming while talking about reproductive processes.

[ For once, Professor Midwife isn't sitting at the front desk before class. No questions can be fielded; there will be no assistance regarding romantic entanglements of any quadrant or general life lessons regarding survival. In fact, judging from his track record the first week, it's a safe guess that he might not be coming at all- ]

-uuuuuuuckiiiiiiiiing-

[ -OH WHOOPS THAT DOOR SURE DID JUST SLAM THE FUCK OPEN. The skinny troll stomps in almost sluggishly, a cup of some coffee-like sludge cradled in his hands, delicately sets down his drink, and collapses into his chair. For a moment, there is blissful silence from the candyblood's mouth - he just sits there, sipping at his beverage and massaging his temples.

And then the clock ticks one last time, the bell rings, and he surges upward, belting with a voice that should not come out of a body that size: ]

ALRIGHT, YOU MANGY LITTLE SLURRYSLURPERS. CLASS IS IN SESSION.

[ He points to a student, chosen at random. ]

YOU. Where the fuck did this class get to yesterday?

[ midwife maybe not having a lesson plan of any sort makes keeping track of these things difficult
maybe you should actually get your shit together
how about that midwife

yeah it was worth a try at least ]

Comments

[themidwife]

Maybe if you had put in the bare fucking minimum of an excuse for effort required to engage in a lecture setting, you'd have understood!

[ Oh, he has transcended butthurt. He is BUTTMAD. He is buttstrated. He is just quivering in his untied little space boots from all that rage. ]

But no. No. That's just too much to expect of anyone in this entire goddamn school, isn't it? It would be too much to ask of the universe that someone have the propensity of mind to remember what yesterday's fucking lesson ended on! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, UNIVERSE. YOUR PUNISHMENT AWAITS.

[ He turns around, grabbing a piece of chalk and scribbling rapidly on the board. About halfway in, it switches from roman lettering to hastily scrawled Alternian; when he notices, he just subtitles beneath it. As he writes, he speaks in an increasingly manic, increasingly high-pitched, increasingly furious tone. ]

Alternian Sex Education 101, taught by Professor Midwife. Day 1.

[ He turns around, pointing at Daenarys once again. ]

True or false: human reproduction is identical to troll reproduction. GO.

[bloodandfire]

[She stands up while he is screaming at her and slams her hands on the desk, deciding to yell back at him]

I will not be treated as such! While I may not be on this blasted island by choice, I am in this classroom by choice, same as every other student here. I do not care about your alien sex lessons, I am here because I will get a Rak if I come to class. That is what your class is worth, one coin.

[but then he's just asking her another question, frustrated she responds]

False.