rakuen | Waking up [open]

Entry tags:

Waking up [open]

Characters: Suzaku and ~~anyone whose name is not Lelouch~~ anyone
Format: Starting in prose but happy to switch
This log is: Open
Location: Conquest infirmary and then by the lake
Summary: On Wednesday Lelouch and Suzaku had a bit of an argument. Now on Saturday afternoon Suzaku wakes up from his coma, come visit?
Warnings: all the angst, lots of spoilers, usual Geass drama

[Open in the infirmary] Suzaku's eyes flickered open and he frowned as he slowly made sense of the new surroundings. He knew where he was quickly as he had spent a lot of time in the infirmary when Nunnally had been unconscious. He sat up slightly feeling dizzy and letting what he remembered wash over him.

In the dungeon, with Zero. Yes... Lelouch was Zero... Suzaku stared at his memory charm bracelet. Lelouch was Zero but he was also the emperor Suzaku had promised to serve. To bring about Zero Requiem.

He remembered Lelouch shouting at him, shooting his Weapon. He hated him... because Suzaku and Lelouch had spoken about what Lelouch knew and Suzaku knew that he somehow came from a later point in time than Lelouch... Lelouch knew nothing about Suzaku being his knight.

His hands went to the necklace round his neck trying to pull it off. No matter how hard he pulled it was stuck fast. He couldn't take it off... Linked to Lelouch... to Zero. To Lelouch who still believed Zero's ways to be the way to change the world.

He clenched his fists, not knowing what to think or what to do. Angry and guilty, he thought he finally had it worked out but now he was confused again, not knowing what to do.

[Private PDA text to Dolorosa] Dolorosa, it is Suzaku Kururugi from Conquest. Can I talk to you please.

[Later at the lake side] When Suzaku was finally released from the infirmary after he had eaten and changed he went to the lake. The ship was gone now, the waters remarkably calm. He sat staring out at the water, trying to piece together his thoughts. To work out what to do.

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Suzaku stiffened as he felt arms wrapping around him, since he had already seen Gino today he guessed even before she spoke that this was Britannia. "You're heavy you know."

He shrugged at the question, he wasn't sure how he was feeling at all.

"Of course I am, I'm the largest empire in the world." Britannia replied calmly as she gave his head a fond pat before settling down beside him. He had his 'thinking' face on again, she noted absently, something she was quick to point out to the knight by pressing her finger against his brow between his eyes.

"You're getting wrinkles."

Suzaku was relieved when she stopped draping on him, he had enough to try and wrap his head around without being smothered.

Of course his peace only lasted a few moments before she started poking him. He stared into the lake. "Did you need anything Britannia?"

At the question, Britannia gave him one more light prod before pulling away. Leaning back and resting on her elbows as she glanced up at the sky, she admitted: "Not particularly."

It wasn't as if she had anything demanding to do these days. As far as explorations of the island went, her searches had yielded very little in terms of usefulness and she had eventually given up the task altogether, coming to the conclusion that if two weeks of searching told her nothing, another two would be the same.

Although, she should probably go searching for Cornelia soon to reveal her identity to the princess as she had done for Lelouch. After all, as far as the chain of command was concerned? Cornelia ranked much higher than her current would-be Emperor, which meant she should now be taking her directions from her. However, that wasn't a meeting she was looking forward to which was why she intended to put it off as long as she could.

With a sigh, Britannia quietly brought her hand up and ran it through her hair, uncharacteristically messing up the blonde locks, as she turned her eyes upon the troubled knight again and gave him a silent look over, feeling annoyed that he was still so down. "How long are you going to brood?"

Suzaku was relieved that she had given up poking him, he didn't mind her presence when she wasn't draping on him. Even though he was still confused, it was easier when he made himself forget she was the physical manifestation of the empire that had taken over a third of the world, the empire he had sworn to change, the empire he was helping to slowly dismantle.

He shrugged staring over the lake, "I'm not brooding." He was thinking, trying to work things out, work out what to do next. ~~In other words he was brooding.~~

She made something of a scoffing noise at his answer, making it clear that she did not believe him. "You're always brooding, Suzaku, though usually not this much." Which probably said something about how gloomy the atmosphere around him was.

"What are you so upset about?"

Suzaku frowned, he didn't brood, at least not all the time. He shrugged and continued staring over the water. "Nothing... I just remembered something..." He didn't know how much Britannia knew, how much Lelouch had told her. What excuse he had used for the fact he had brought Suzaku out of the dungeon in a coma.

"Was it about FLEIJA again?" She asked, figuring that at this rate it might be better if Lelouch stopped buying him memories. They just seemed to make both of them utterly miserable.

As for what Lelouch had told her? In holding with the highest traditions between Britannia and her bosses, absolutely nothing. Ricardo would have been proud.

Suzaku shook his head, "No... it..." He sighed, and stared at the water again. "Lelouch isn't... We aren't exactly friends..."

"Of course you aren't." Britannia answered promptly, not seeing why Suzaku might be so disheartened by this. She had thought it was clear that her bosses (and Britannian royalty in general) never really had friends. They had subjects and potential enemies only. Suzaku, as a Knight of Rounds, most definitely fell into the latter category as far as she was concerned, but she didn't understand how Suzaku could have gotten so far without understanding that.

"What on Earth made you think that you were?"

Suzaku blinked and looked over to Britannia. She had known? Yet she had never said anything. "I forgot..." If he could forget killing millions of people due to this place forgetting that Lelouch was Zero was something very small. "I guess my brain just filled in the gaps, and assumed that our childhood friendship had continued..."

"You became friends?" Now that part surprised her. Considering the conditions under which Lelouch and his sister had been exiled, she would have been very surprised if anyone had befriended the disgraced prince and princess, especially in a recently conquered and (still very much) hostile area.

"Are you sure he wasn't just using you?"

Suzaku nodded, they had been friends. That part wasn't false... He didn't think... "We didn't get on at first..." That was an understatement, Suzaku had been a brat. But they had made friends eventually and it had been real...

"We lost contact when Britannia invaded but..." Where ten year olds even capable of using others? Suzaku knew the answer to that before he even asked himself to that. Lelouch had always been thinking and scheming even then. If Suzaku was capable of...

Well he had no doubt Lelouch could have been using him but why, there was no gain to be had from it. Not then.

"Why though... There was nothing to gain..." Lelouch was Zero yes, but he was also his friend. Had been his first friend...

Had it all been a lie?

"Lelouch was an exiled prince at the time, powerless and alone with nobody to protect him or his sister. Becoming friends with the son of Genbu Kururugi would have been a good way to stay alive. I'd say that's a lot to gain." Britannia pointed out, her voice very matter-of-fact as she watched Suzaku's conflicted expressions.

Had he really not realized this? ... actually, should she even be pointing it out? Lelouch might not thank her for it.

That made sense... too much sense. Suzaku shrugged and continued staring out across the water. "I guess you're right." And Suzaku was an idiot. So they had never been friends... did that make the fact they had betrayed each other a hundred times over better or worse?

He fell into silence again not looking at her.

Well, whether or not Lelouch had wanted it pointed out didn't matter now, it was out there. And, contrary to her original intentions, she seemed to have made him even more depressed.

Awesome.

With a soft sigh, the empire eased back onto her palms and stared up at the sky, mulling over how to fix this problem. His depression was like an itch that she couldn't scratch and she was determined to fix this problem before he ended up becoming permanently stuck like this. (Perma-broody was the last thing anyone needed right now.)

After a moment, she got an idea. "At least this means you weren't hurt by a friend."

Good idea, right?

"I guess..." But it did mean he had just lost the only friend he had. Alright it had been a weird kind of friendship, more hatred lately than actual friendship. And really, what did it matter. He had not agreed to Zero Requiem because he was Lelouch's friend, he had agreed because it was the right thing to do for the sake of the world.

He wasn't Lelouch's knight because they were friends but because Lelouch knew that he could go through with the plan.

Did it make any of the crimes they had committed against each any less wrong? Any less hurtful? He didn't think it did. He still felt guilty, for even if Lelouch had just been using him... this whole time...

What else was a lie? He had no idea how many memories were taken from him, what else had he forgotten? What else would he remember to turn his world on it's head. He supposed this was only a fraction of how Anya felt, unable to trust your own mind...

"I guess hope can be strong enough to blind you."

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Waking up [open]

/makes it after he talks to Lelouch

Time paradooooooox~

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until the world makes sense!

THAT IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER!

IT SO IS OKAY

NO, STOP THAT.

NEVER

YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN. (fuu)

OF COURSE ITS WHAT I DO

I'M GOING TO BEAT THE EMO OUT OF YOU, SUZAKU.

YEP DOING A GREAT JOB OF THAT, BRITANNIA

ANGER IS ALWAYS BETTER THAN EMO.

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