rakuen | in which the midwife hates everything, vol. 1

Characters: Oichi (bedtime) and The Midwife (themidwife)
Format: Action
This log is: closed
Location: Fortitude, Pale
Summary: After player declaration, the Midwife decides in a fit of pique to storm back to his dorms before classes. There he finds a friend - and perhaps something more. And by that I mean "a weapon."
Warnings: Absurd levels of profanity. Probably nothing else.

[ Everything is fucked.

Nothing could have prepared him for this. Not a single event in the miserable, loathsome series of events he has jokingly dubbed a "life" could have indicated what was to come. Even the great and noble office of MIDWIFE pales before what he's been chosen for.

At least, that's a possibility. Like fuck if he knows what a "Player" does - only that it means he doesn't get to be a "Weapon," which pisses him off beyond words. Fine - fine. He will become the ultimate weapon, then. He will hone himself into the finest steel. He will tear apart those who would stand in his way. He will rip the aspirations and dreams of the pathetic aliens that would dare to dream for greater things. Just as soon as he figures out what he's supposed to do.

He stomps back into the shitty excuse for a respiteblock (okay, even he can't lie about that - it's actually pretty damn good, better than anything he's had for sweeps but it's not home goddammit), searching the halls for signs of life. The moment he sees something moving, he moves in for the kill. ]

You. I have no idea who the fuck you even are, but guess what? I don't fucking care! Tell me, human, what the fuck is a "Player" and what do they do?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yes. That's still a thing that happened. It didn't- unhappen, or anything.

[ Awkwardly, after contemplating whether it's worth risking his life- ]

I got named as a "Player." What the fuck does that mean?

Ichi doesn't really know... but Ichi was one last week. You fight people with weapons you take from someone's heart, the very core of their being... and you try to kill the other person with it.

[ She touches her chest and looks at him very slowly. ]

You can get pretty coins... if you do the right things. They're so shiny... what is your name? Ichi doesn't know it...

[ JUST FUCKING GREAT. So this is some gladatorial bullshit, then? Gladatorial bullshit that involves fashioning people's hearts into weapons. God, this place is uncivilized.

He responds, a bit far off (as he's currently busy trying to figure out how he should be reacting to being thrown into an alien gladiator arena): ]

I'm- I'm-

[ It's weird - it's the first time he's tried to say his name, and now that he actually thinks about it nothing comes to mind. He stutters out the word a few times, voice growing more and more panicked, until finally he puts his hands over his face and just goes quiet for a moment.

He can't even remember his name anymore.

After a couple of quick, nearly-hyperventilating breaths, he speaks up again. ]

Good news! Since I'm a pathetic fuck that doesn't deserve a name, you can just call me the Midwife. It might as well be my fucking name, anyway. God.

[ And then he's just back to trying to breathe regularly. And failing. ]

[ Oichi is unsure why he's freaking out, but touches his shoulder in a way she vaguely remembers someone doing for her some time ago. She mimics their words then, for Midwife: ]

It will do no good to cry now. Shhh, shhh. Ichi will give you a hug, ok...? Ichi will hold you close until your tears are no more.

[ He doesn't even budge as she hugs him - just hyperventilates a little harder than before. What is physical contact what is social interaction what is breathing.

But eventually, his shoulders slump forward, and he relaxes a tiny, tiny bit. When he speaks again, his voice is at least slightly more level. ]

Ichi. How the fuck do you get the weapons out of hearts? Is human biology just fucking weird like that?

Ichi doesn't understand it, so... she just knows that they come out, like magic.

[ Shh Karkat only hugs now. She rubs his back soothingly. ]

Magic isn't real, asshole.

[ They just... come out. There's no fashioning or threshmurder required to acquire one. Which means that if he can find a weapon, he has a real chance of survival. After all, he highly doubts most of the humans have had to live on a planet where everything naturally wants them dead.

He reaches forward, hoverhanding for a moment before placing both hands on Oichi's shoulders and backing away. Somewhat slowly and clearly: ]

Ichi. I need help finding a weapon. Can you help me?

Ichi will be your weapon... if you'll take her.

[ She removes her hands and hides her mouth, smiling. ]

You know what? Since you're actually slightly more tolerable than the rest of the humans, that'll be just peachy fucking keen. Sure, I'll take you.

[ And then he crosses his arms. ]

So, what the fuck do we do now?

Oh, wonderful... Ichi is so happy she might cry. We're friends now, ok? The best of friends. Let's make merry and have a picnic sometime, ok...?

[ This is what she thinks the two of them should do, but pauses thoughtfully for a brief moment. ]

Do you want to find someone to fight? You can't win if you don't... so fight, fight, fight on...

Why the fuck not? Let's have a relaxing little wiggler picnic sometime. I'll bring extra grubsauce!

[ He blinks at that. Now? Maybe a little, but- ]

When I got here, I was told my job was to teach a class. Am I supposed to fight instead, or will that get me on the wrong end of a culling fork?

[ She has no idea what the hell grubsauce is but she smiles and nods along anyways. She looks at the new mark on her hand. ]

You do both... Ichi did, so... being a player is temporary, like snowfall in spring...

[ Player status is temporary, much like the weather. The Midwife files that information away in the back of his brain, preparing himself for later. After a few moments, the scowl is back on his face, and he raises a finger to tell Oichi:

Alright, Ichi. I'm off to go schoolfeed some dumbfucks. Since it's pretty goddamn likely that you're a teacher too, go forth - pour information into their blooming little thinkpans, and hope to god some actually sticks in there.

I will meet with you later for strategizing. At lunch.

[ AND WITH THAT HE TURNS AROUND AND STARTS STOMPING OFF. ]

[ Oichi watches him go, and then turns around to play on the bed. ]

in which the midwife hates everything, vol. 1

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