[city-wide network post][karkat shut up the reckoning]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[THIS IS NOT A MEMO. THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING PSA.]

ATTENTION, INFERIOR BEINGS.
THIS IS A VASTLY ADVANCED PERSON SPEAKING.

LET'S CUT TO THE FUCKING CHASE
ALL OF YOU ARE VERY STUPID.
YOU CAN'T TELL FOOD FROM YOUR FOOT FOR THE LIFE OF YOU, AND COMMON SENSE IS DEFINITELY OUT OF THE FUCKING TABLE.
HUMANITY'S COLLECTIVE RETARDATION IS DEFINITE, IRREFUTABLE FACT, LIKE HOW THE SKY IS BLUE AND HOW IF YOU STOP BREATHING YOU WILL FUCKING DIE
WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THIS.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS. I KNOW THIS. YOU KNOW THIS, EVEN IF YOUR IQ IS DEEP DOWN INTO THE HAPPY WORLD OF NEGATIVES.

GOING ON TO THE FUCKING POINT.
THIS RED DAY THING IS BULLSHIT.
HONOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR ENEMIES! APPRECIATE THEM, SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
THAT'S OK. I EVEN GOT SOME PEOPLE THINGS, WOOT.
WHAT'S NOT OK IS THE FESTIVE SPRINKLING OF HEARTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HOOFBEAST SHIT
BELIEVE ME I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND
I TRIED AND IT GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MIGRAINE.
EVERYWHERE I LOOK, EVERYBODY'S GIVING EACH OTHER A HEART
EVERYWHERE I LOOK, EVERYBODY'S SOLICITING THEIR FRIEND TO MAKE OUT WITH THEM
AND BECAUSE OF YOUR RETARDED MONOQUADRANTIC SYSTEM IT'S SHAMELESS.

ALL
OF
YOU
ARE
SHAMELESS.
SO FUCKING SHAMELESS I WANT TO BLOW ALL OF YOU UP WITH MY RAGEBEAMS.

SO THE PSA IS: I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS CITY-WIDE HEDONISTIC ORGY.
STOP TRYING TO INVITE ME TO THIS SEXUAL DISEASE INFECTING FIESTA.
I HATE ALL OF YOU
KARKAT OUT.

Comments

[imperceptible]

[... riiiight. Kevin is going to pretend he understood what Karkat just said.]

What kind of warrior whines just because people are exchanging valentines?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

ROMANCE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, DOUCHEBAG.
DO YOU KNOW WHY SO MANY COUPLES ARE UNHAPPY?
THEY THINK ROMANCE IS A LA DE DA FUCKING GAME AT THE PARK
IT'S NOT.
IT'S A COMPLICATED SYSTEM THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY OR ELSE IT'S GOING TO LEAVE BOTH PARTICIPANTS DISSATISFIED AND UNHAPPY.

[imperceptible]

Okay Dr. Phil, thanks for the memo. I'll be sure to spread your words of wisdom immediately.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

A) FUCK YOU! MEMOS ARE FUCKING IMPORTANT.
B) TRY AGAIN WITH LESS SARCASM BECAUSE IT WOULD DO EVERYONE WELL IF THEY JUST FUCKING LISTENED TO ME, FOR ONCE.

[imperceptible]

You know you sound like a prude about all of this, right? "Skip dating, go directly to marriage. Do not pass GO, do not have a life."

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

YOU NEED TO STOP FUCKING ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT ME BECAUSE THAT'S WRONG
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG
YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG, FOREVER.

DATING IS FUCKING IMPORTANT
YOU NEED TO KNOW AND APPRECIATE YOUR PARTNER BEFORE YOU GO STEADY WITH THEM OR ELSE THE RELATIONSHIP'S GOING TO END UP A FUCKING TRAINWRECK.
THIS IS THE DEMISE OF SO MANY PLOT-RELATED, EVENTUALLY-GOING-TO-BREAK-UP ROMCOM COUPLES
LIKE HAVE YOU HEARD OF...

[ ....heard of what, karkat? OH GOD HE DOESN'T REMEMBER HIS FAVORITE MOVIE JFLKSAJFLKJSA 8(((((((((( there's a noticeable pause before he continues. ]

NEVER FUCKING MIND.
AND A LIFE IS IMPORTANT.
YOUR LIFE SHOULDN'T CENTER AROUND YOUR PARTNER OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SMOTHERING THEM.

I TAKE THIS SHIT VERY SERIOUSLY, OK, BACK THE FUCK OFF.

[imperceptible]

... has anyone told you that you monologue? [Because seriously man, people need to get a word in otherwise. Memory-loss breaks in the conversation don't count, because then you just sound like you're trying to dramatically pause.]

And if that's how you feel, what's the problem with Valentine's... uh, Red Day again? [wtfever, same difference.]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

NO.
MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS, TROLL SHERLOCK.

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HAVING THIS STUPID CONVERSATION WITH YOU
THIS CONVERSATION IS STUPID
NOW I'M STUPID.
AND NOW EVERYBODY'S DOOMED TO DECAY WITHOUT MY LEADERSHIP.
THE PROBLEM
YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PUDDLE OF SALIVA
IS THAT THIS HOLIDAY IS A HEDONISTIC CELEBRATION OF RED QUADRANT INFIDELITY. F.Y.I. YOUR ONLY TYPE OF ROMANCE
AND IT MAKES ME SICK DOWN TO THE PITS OF MY DIGESTIVE TRACTS.