[city-wide network post][karkat shut up the reckoning]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[THIS IS NOT A MEMO. THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING PSA.]

ATTENTION, INFERIOR BEINGS.
THIS IS A VASTLY ADVANCED PERSON SPEAKING.

LET'S CUT TO THE FUCKING CHASE
ALL OF YOU ARE VERY STUPID.
YOU CAN'T TELL FOOD FROM YOUR FOOT FOR THE LIFE OF YOU, AND COMMON SENSE IS DEFINITELY OUT OF THE FUCKING TABLE.
HUMANITY'S COLLECTIVE RETARDATION IS DEFINITE, IRREFUTABLE FACT, LIKE HOW THE SKY IS BLUE AND HOW IF YOU STOP BREATHING YOU WILL FUCKING DIE
WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THIS.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS. I KNOW THIS. YOU KNOW THIS, EVEN IF YOUR IQ IS DEEP DOWN INTO THE HAPPY WORLD OF NEGATIVES.

GOING ON TO THE FUCKING POINT.
THIS RED DAY THING IS BULLSHIT.
HONOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR ENEMIES! APPRECIATE THEM, SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU CARE.
THAT'S OK. I EVEN GOT SOME PEOPLE THINGS, WOOT.
WHAT'S NOT OK IS THE FESTIVE SPRINKLING OF HEARTS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS HOOFBEAST SHIT
BELIEVE ME I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND
I TRIED AND IT GAVE ME A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MIGRAINE.
EVERYWHERE I LOOK, EVERYBODY'S GIVING EACH OTHER A HEART
EVERYWHERE I LOOK, EVERYBODY'S SOLICITING THEIR FRIEND TO MAKE OUT WITH THEM
AND BECAUSE OF YOUR RETARDED MONOQUADRANTIC SYSTEM IT'S SHAMELESS.

ALL
OF
YOU
ARE
SHAMELESS.
SO FUCKING SHAMELESS I WANT TO BLOW ALL OF YOU UP WITH MY RAGEBEAMS.

SO THE PSA IS: I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS CITY-WIDE HEDONISTIC ORGY.
STOP TRYING TO INVITE ME TO THIS SEXUAL DISEASE INFECTING FIESTA.
I HATE ALL OF YOU
KARKAT OUT.

Comments

[cullscuttlefish]

TOO LAT---E, KARCRAB! I already bought you chocolate. You can eat it while hating the world.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

NO
FEFERI.
DID THE BIG BAD HUMANS MURDER A TON OF YOUR THINK PAN CELLS BECAUSE I WILL CUT A BITCH I SWEAR TO GOD
THIS BOX BETTER BE RECTANGULAR.

[cullscuttlefish]

It is rectangular and sitting outside your window. YOU'R--E W-ELCOM---E!

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OK.
ACCEPTAFUCKINGBLE BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE DOING
THANKS.

[ ...shit he did not get her anything. NOW HE FEELS LIKE A DOUCHE. ]

I GOT YOU FLOWERS AND THEY WILL BE DELIVERED AT THE SOONEST POSSIBLE CONVENIENCE I.E. WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT THEM TO BE DELIVERED.
BUT THEY ARE HERE AND THEY EXIST.

[herplaceinthesun]

I hate you too, you ridiculous angry little emotional prude~

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

1) I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
2) I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
3) I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, YOU PATHETIC SORE LOSER THAT CAN'T EVEN COMPREHEND THE IDEA OF PROSTRATING BEFORE YOUR SUPERIOR.
I BEAT YOU, BITCH. SUCK IT UP AND THROW YOURSELF OFF YOUR HUMAN HIGH HORSE.

THE NEXT TIME WE BATTLE, YOU AND ME, THE OUTCOME WILL BE NO DIFFERENT.
YOU WILL WRITHE AND FLAIL UNDER ME BUT IT WOULD BE RENDERED INTO DEBASING IMPOTENT JERKS
BECAUSE YOU'VE RELEASED A MONSTER, AISHA.
A MONSTER THAT REPLENISHES ONLY WITH YOUR BLOOD AND TEARS
AND YOUR SCREAMS WILL ITS MY SWAN SONG.

[herplaceinthesun]

Keep telling yourself that, sunshine.

Oh? My blood? You're absolute sure you want to start this talk, troll-chan? Please, I'll wipe the floor with your cocky ass.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

TROLL-CHAN
TROLL-CHAN
TROLL-CHAN
WHAT THE FUCK.

[imperceptible]

O-kaaaaay, I think somebody needs to chill out and grab the prozac.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

THERE IS NO PROZAC, ASSHOLE.
THERE IS
ONLY
*HATE*.

[imperceptible]

I take it they don't have anger management wherever you're from.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

I CAME FROM A PLANET WHERE EVERYBODY'S A HOMICIDAL MANIAC OUT TO KILL EVERYONE ELSE
SOOOOOOO
I GUEEEEESS YOU COULD SAY THAT.
OH MY GOD HOW STUPID ARE YOU.

[imperceptible]

Right, 'cause I'm supposed to know all about the race of... whatever you are. Newsflash dude, where I'm from? You'd get mistaken for a kid who fell into a tub of radioactive paint.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

FROM WHERE I CAME FROM, YOU'D BE MISTAKEN FOR A MILKBEAST'S DEFORMED, MAMMALIAN WASTE MATTER
HAHAHA
LOOK AT HOW FUNNY WE'RE BEING.

[imperceptible]

Yeah, but I'm not the jerk going around expecting people to know everything about me.

[... what were they even talking about in the first place again?]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

HOLY SHIT, THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING NOWHERE FAST.
WHAT THE MOTHERFUCKING FUCK IS YOUR POINT

[imperceptible]

Well I was gonna say something like "man up, princess" but now I'm kinda thinking that would be pointless for you.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN
THAT'S EMASCULATING.
I AM A GODDAMN WARRIOR WITH AMBITION THAT COULD NEVER BE MEASURED ON A MEASLY SCALE, BITCH.

[imperceptible]

[... riiiight. Kevin is going to pretend he understood what Karkat just said.]

What kind of warrior whines just because people are exchanging valentines?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

ROMANCE IS SERIOUS BUSINESS, DOUCHEBAG.
DO YOU KNOW WHY SO MANY COUPLES ARE UNHAPPY?
THEY THINK ROMANCE IS A LA DE DA FUCKING GAME AT THE PARK
IT'S NOT.
IT'S A COMPLICATED SYSTEM THAT NEEDS TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY OR ELSE IT'S GOING TO LEAVE BOTH PARTICIPANTS DISSATISFIED AND UNHAPPY.

[imperceptible]

Okay Dr. Phil, thanks for the memo. I'll be sure to spread your words of wisdom immediately.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

A) FUCK YOU! MEMOS ARE FUCKING IMPORTANT.
B) TRY AGAIN WITH LESS SARCASM BECAUSE IT WOULD DO EVERYONE WELL IF THEY JUST FUCKING LISTENED TO ME, FOR ONCE.

[imperceptible]

You know you sound like a prude about all of this, right? "Skip dating, go directly to marriage. Do not pass GO, do not have a life."

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

YOU NEED TO STOP FUCKING ASSUMING THINGS ABOUT ME BECAUSE THAT'S WRONG
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG
YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG, FOREVER.

DATING IS FUCKING IMPORTANT
YOU NEED TO KNOW AND APPRECIATE YOUR PARTNER BEFORE YOU GO STEADY WITH THEM OR ELSE THE RELATIONSHIP'S GOING TO END UP A FUCKING TRAINWRECK.
THIS IS THE DEMISE OF SO MANY PLOT-RELATED, EVENTUALLY-GOING-TO-BREAK-UP ROMCOM COUPLES
LIKE HAVE YOU HEARD OF...

[ ....heard of what, karkat? OH GOD HE DOESN'T REMEMBER HIS FAVORITE MOVIE JFLKSAJFLKJSA 8(((((((((( there's a noticeable pause before he continues. ]

NEVER FUCKING MIND.
AND A LIFE IS IMPORTANT.
YOUR LIFE SHOULDN'T CENTER AROUND YOUR PARTNER OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE SMOTHERING THEM.

I TAKE THIS SHIT VERY SERIOUSLY, OK, BACK THE FUCK OFF.

[imperceptible]

... has anyone told you that you monologue? [Because seriously man, people need to get a word in otherwise. Memory-loss breaks in the conversation don't count, because then you just sound like you're trying to dramatically pause.]

And if that's how you feel, what's the problem with Valentine's... uh, Red Day again? [wtfever, same difference.]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

NO.
MOST PEOPLE DON'T LIKE POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS, TROLL SHERLOCK.

OH MY GOD HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HAVING THIS STUPID CONVERSATION WITH YOU
THIS CONVERSATION IS STUPID
NOW I'M STUPID.
AND NOW EVERYBODY'S DOOMED TO DECAY WITHOUT MY LEADERSHIP.
THE PROBLEM
YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PUDDLE OF SALIVA
IS THAT THIS HOLIDAY IS A HEDONISTIC CELEBRATION OF RED QUADRANT INFIDELITY. F.Y.I. YOUR ONLY TYPE OF ROMANCE
AND IT MAKES ME SICK DOWN TO THE PITS OF MY DIGESTIVE TRACTS.

[floweringknight]

Excuse me?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

CAN YOU NOT READ, YOU DUMB PILE OF SHIT.

wow <tt> is tiny on dreamwidth i guess?

[floweringknight]

There's no reason to take that tone.

[not that... text has a tone... but he seems pretty angry.]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

WELL I GUESS I SHOULD JUST YANK OUT MY VOCAL TUNNEL SO I COULD STOP TALKING FOR FUCKING EVER FROM NOW ON BECAUSE SOME PEEVED ASSHOLE IS EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS ABOUT MY ANGRY TONE!
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME REALIZE THE ERROR OF MY WAYS
BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE ALWAYS TALKED LIKE THIS.
YOU GARGANTUAN PIECE OF EXCREMENT.

[floweringknight]

I'm not peeved, I'm simply stating that perhaps if you spoke in a more civil manner, others might be more willing to listen to whatever grievances you have with what's going on, even if I'm not entirely sure what it is you're taking issue with.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKS I'M GIVING
WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE FUCKS???

[floweringknight]

This is precisely the sort of thing I mean. I'm genuinely interested in accommodating whatever cultural issues you might have with the Red Day festivities, but I am finding myself hard pressed to maintain that interest in the face of your blatant hostility.

[smupette]

what if i left a nice box of chocolates on your window?

what then?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

I WILL BURN THEM AND ESCAPE FROM THE VICINITY
BECAUSE THEY ARE PROBABLY POISONED.
SO NICE TRY, BUT NO DICE.
WOULD HER ROYAL COOLDOUCHINESS LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN????

we're playing the "i tag everyone late" game.

[smupette]

sure
i really got you a punch in the jaw
just..you wont expect it.

I'M WINNING

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

I'M SO SCARED.

NEVER.

[smupette]

you really should be
i mean i know i don't want to get randomly punch in the jaw

[honkhonkwoof]

shit is fucking weird.
BUT DON'T GET ALL MOTHERFUCKING UPSET.
just be chill with it man, it's only going on one day. :o)

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

I AM NOT UPSET IN SO MUCH THAT I AM BAFFLED BY THE CITY'S CRIPPLING COLLECTIVE RETARDED HEDONISM.
BAFFLED AND ENRAGED.
I'M SURE YOU KNOW THE FEELING.

[honkhonkwoof]

aite, then that's motherfucking good.
YEAH, I SURE FUCKING DO KNOW. :o(
but i haven't seen anyone making out yet, bro.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

...THAT IS FUCKING WEIRD.
MAYBE THEY'RE BEING DISCRETE -- FOR FUCKING ONCE -- AND TAKING IT TO THEIR RESPITEBLOCK WHERE IT BELONGS?
I'M SURE OF IT.

[honkhonkwoof]

i've seen them motherfuckers all around town today.
BUT NONE OF THEM'VE BEEN HAVING SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
so yeah maybe they're being fucking decent for once and savin that shit for later. :o)

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

...
JUST TO BE CLEAR, YOU'RE NOT THROWING YOUR CLOWN ASS IN THAT NAKED, WRITHING PILE RIGHT?
BECAUSE I WILL PUNCH YOU OTHERWISE.

[honkhonkwoof]

aw oh hell no i isn't.
DON'T EVEN MAKE ME THINK OF THAT SHIT.