Remembering [open]

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku and anyone who dares approach
Format: I'm starting in prose, but will follow you
This log is: Open (the first part is closed to Lelouch, the rest is open to anyone and everyone)
Location: Out side the shop and then near the woods/drifting round town. The part with Lelouch is Friday afternoon and the rest is Saturday
Summary: Suzaku gets a memory back, it's not a good one.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, killing, weapons of mass destruction, self hating thoughts, more angst, also spoilers for code geass R2 ep18.

[Friday] Suzaku held the small bag containing the memory, he had used the money that had been left on his bed to buy it, or Lelouch had bought it as Suzaku couldn't. He had guessed the money had come from Fortitude's headmistress and she was hoping he would remember Zero's identity. Since the last memory he had regained, as his present off Feferi had been something so small he hadn't even realised he had forgotten it he was curious about what this one may contain. He looked to Lelouch to see if he wanted to go anywhere before activating it.

[Saturday] Suzaku's roommates will have noticed that Suzaku did not return on Friday evening, nor was he anywhere to be seen on Saturday morning. However nearing lunch time of Saturday he can be spotted leaving the woods. It doesn't look like he has slept, his clothes are damp from the snow slush that still persists on falling. If you get close enough you will see his knuckles are bruised and bleeding.

He wanders listlessly around town. His thoughts are still jumbled and unsure. The memory itself is blury, as if there is something missing. He can remember fighting, he can remember looking down on the crater that once had been the Tokyo settlement, but in between; nothing.

But there was no doubt it was him who had done that, who had killed all those people. He hadn't wanted to, thought he could carry the weapon and not launch it. Yet he had, he had and over thirty million people had died.

Died at his hand, he who claimed to dislike unnecessary violence, who wished to change things from the inside. He had caused so much death, so much suffering.

He ended up on the jetty staring out onto the water. All he had wanted since he was nine years old was to atone for his sins, to be given the death he deserved for the evils he had done. Yet... all he had done was caused more evil, more suffering...

[Does anyone dare to disturb him?]

Comments

[swordofzero]

[He looked up from the water at his name. Oh it was Sis, the sword teacher. He went back to staring at the water.] It doesn't matter.

[smupette]

[She sat down, right next to him. Sorry, that shit doesn't fly with her.]

You are free to speak with me. I will not tell a soul.

[swordofzero]

[He shrugs, it wasn't like it was a secret. Everyone knew, everyone from his world anyways. He had been the only one who hadn't, he had acted... like there was still a point in trying to change things for the better.

Forgetting that he was a murderer, and the only thing worth anything was Zero Requiem.]

I remembered something I should never have forgotten.

[smupette]

[Things like this happen Suzaku. Sis just doesn't know how to voice those things. You are so similar to her, Sis is forgetting that she was a decent parent. She just remembers telling Mom Lalonde how they had no business raising a child of any kind]

What may that be?

[swordofzero]

[He is silent for a very long time, he has never actually spoken it outloud... he never had to. The whole world knew about it, knew what he had done. No one wanted to talk about it, even the Britannian's had been shocked at the power of FLEIJA.]

I... [He didn't know why he was about to try and explain this, to someone who wasn't even from his world.] Do you have a Tokyo in your world?