[city-wide network post][karkat shut up: bonus content][hi did you guys miss me]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

NOW THAT I'VE FINISHED THIS EGREGIOUS PILE OF PAPERS KNOWN AS MY HOMEWORK, LET ME PROVIDE A DETAILED ANALYSIS OF WHY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY CLASSES ARE STUPID.
AND BY EXTENSION, BY DEFAULT, ALL OF YOU.

ASTRONOMY - STARS? WE'RE STUDYING STARS. WHOOP-DE-FUCKING-DOO, DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING HERE. THIS CLASS DOESN'T DESERVE MY RAGE. IT DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING -- NOTHING OTHER THAN THE SALIVA THAT DROOLS DOWN FROM MY CLASSMATES' VACANT AND TIRED FACES.

BATTLE TACTICS - OK, THIS CLASS IS ACTUALLY PRETTY AWESOME AND CORNELIA'S A GREAT TEACHER DESPITE HER TAKING BIGOTRY, PRETENTIOUS BITCHINESS AND BLINDING PINK HAIR TO A LUDICROUS DEGREE. MOVING ON.

COOKING - EDIBLE THINGS CAN BE BOUGHT FROM THE STORE OR HUNTED DOWN, I DON'T NEED TO FUCKING KNOW THE MANY WAYS I COULD USE MOTHERFUCKING OREGANO TO ENHANCE MY DISHES' FLAVORS.

DANCE - THE LIST OF AWFUL FUCKING CLASSES HAS TRULY BEGAN, AND THIS CLASS IS ITS UNHOLY BAPTISM. PROSTATE BEFORE ITS CATCHY LYRICS ABOUT TEACHING ME HOW TO "DOOGIE", FESTER BEFORE THE INSTRUCTIONAL AID ON HOW TO PROPERLY EXECUTE "THE ROBOT".
I CAN FUCKING FIGHT I DON'T NEED TO LEARN THE MASHED POTATO. LEARNING THE MASHED POTATO HAS BEEN THE LEAST HELPFUL, UNDOUBTEDLY MOST POINTLESS HIGHLIGHT OF MY MISERABLE LIFE AND THE SAD PART IS THAT I CAN'T UNLEARN IT.

MONEY MANAGEMENT - EVERY MORON IN THE POSSESSION OF EVEN HALF A THINK PAN WOULD KNOW YOU SHOULDN'T SPEND ALL YOUR RAKS ON USELESS BULLSHIT BECAUSE THIS PLACE APPARENTLY DESPISES POOR PEOPLE. IS THIS SUCH A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO GRASP, BULGEHEADS? I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN "STUDYING" THIS, HOLY SHIT.

FASHION - WHAT A HELPFUL FUCKING CLASS FOR MORONS. I SURE DID NEED TO KNOW WHAT COLORS COMPLEMENT "FUCHSIA" AND "PERIWINKLE:, AND I SURE DID NEED TO KNOW THAT SATIN MAKES MY ASS LOOK LIKE PLANET FUCKING JUPITER. WE HAVE UNIFORMS HERE ANYWHERE, WHO CARES.

FARMING - THE ABILITY TO BE ABLE TO GROW FLORA IS A FUCKING MYTH. PLANTS DO WHAT THEY WANT AND THEY DON'T WANT OUR GRUBBY CLAWS FONDLING THEM. MY BUD ISN'T GROWING. THIS CLASS IS A FUCKING JOKE.

GOVERNMENT - ALL LEADERS ARE STUPID AND AWFUL, WHY DO WE NEED TO DISCUSS THEM AT LENGTH? LIKE MANY CLASSES ON THIS LIST, I AM NOT LEARNING VALUABLE, PRAGMATIC LESSONS THAT ARE APPLICABLE TO THE REAL WORLD. INSTEAD I'M LEARNING THIS SHIT.

KNIGHT TRAINING - WHY IS THIS IN THIS LIST, THIS CLASS IS FUCKING AMAZING.

MAGIC FOR MAGES - DECENT CLASS.

POISONS - ALSO DECENT, BUT IT SHOULD BE A RULE THAT ANY AND ALL PSYCHOS SHOULD BE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE VICINITIES.

SCIENCE OF DEDUCTION - I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. ALL THE PROFESSOR DOES IS DEMONSTRATE, PERPETUALLY, WHY HE HAS SUCH A PUNCHABLE FUCKING FACE.

SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES - 69 WAYS ON WHY, WHEN STRANDED IN THE WILD, YOU SHOULD DRINK YOUR OWN PISS.

SWORD FIGHTING - IT SOUNDS DECENT AT FIRST BUT THEN YOU FIND OUT THE PROFESSOR IS A DOUCHEBAG AND EVERYTHING GOES RIGHT DOWN THE FUCKING GAPER.

Comments

Because I had to make this meme something IC

[knightime]

yeah well
fortitude
needs three classes about plants
and i wish i was fucking joking
but surprise

SCREAMING DRAMATICALLY IN THE DISTANCE

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

WHY THE FUCKING HELL WOULD YOU STUDY THAT EXTENSIVELY ABOUT FLORA
THAT IS RIDICULOUS. SUDDENLY MY SCHEDULE IS THE PILLAR OF SANITY.

Achievement unlocked!

[knightime]

apparently
the subcategories are endless
i would have never guessed that flower arrangement could be separate
from apparently gardening
i would rather take the multitude of plant classes
over a class about romance
is that even a subject someone can teach???

isn't that the title of a johndave pornfic

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

HOLY SHIT.
YOU GUYS HAVE A ROMANCE CLASS?

OF COURSE IT SHOULD BE TAUGHT, DIPSHIT.
AND YOU WONDER WHY THE MASSES ARE INCREDIBLY INEPT AND STUPID ABOUT THESE MATTERS.
ROMANCE IS A TRICKY SUBJECT FULL OF SOCIAL LANDMINES AND EMOTIONAL FRAGILE BONDS.
IT SHOULD BE HANDLED LIGHTLY AND CAREFULLY.
EVEN THE INFERIOR KIND OF ROMANCE.
I.E. YOURS.

...yes actually i think i had it bookmarked WELP

[knightime]

...
wow are you serious???
and just how do you decide when someone has the authority to teach
such a tricky class?
god this is such bullshit i swear

[imperceptible]

[Sigh.]

You again?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OH LOOK, SOMEONE COMPLETELY UNREMARKABLE THAT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.
HELLO, UNREMARKABLE PERSON.
KINDLY GO FUCK YOURSELF.

[imperceptible]

So can you guys have aneurysms? Y'know, just in case you keel over one day and we need to figure out why but don't wanna cut into you in case you come back Independence Day style.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

PUNY HUMAN, OUR SUPERIOR PHYSICAL ANATOMY ISN'T AS SUSCEPTIBLE TO DISEASES AS YOUR SOFT, FLESHY MAMMALIAN ONE.
MY INFINITE AMOUNT OF RAGE IS A PERPETUAL ISSUE YOU WILL HAVE TO ADJUST TO, BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE TAMED. IT IS A WILD, HUNGRY BEAST.
IN CASE YOU DIDN'T CATCH WHAT THAT MEANS THE FIRST TIME, I AM TELLING YOU TO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.

[imperceptible]

... "Puny human?"

Really?

[straightupzorra]

Do you ever get tired of yourself?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

NO.
MY EXISTENCE IS A NEVERENDING SHITSTREAM OF RAGE AND EXPLETIVES.
EVERY LITTLE DROP IS OUT TO VEX YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T STAND THE INSANITY ANYMORE AND THROW YOURSELF OFF A BUILDING.
WHICH IS THE PLAN.
BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.

[straightupzorra]

You know, even if I did throw myself off a building I would just come back the next day and you'd still have to deal with me. guess what, tough guy, you're stuck with me forever and there's nothing you can do about it.

[text]

[savedbyasong]

You seem angry, most of those classes look okay to me. They are a bit strange but the classes in Fortitude are strange as well.

[text]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

I AM ANGRY. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ANGRY, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE ANGRY. THERE IS NO INSTANCE IN MY SAD, PATHETIC LIFE WHERE I AM NOT CONSUMED BY SCORCHING WHITE RAGE.

THESE CLASSES ARE SHIT.
I BET FORTITUDE'S CLASSES ARE SHIT TOO.
EXCEPT NO, PROBABLY NOT.
BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE HATES ME AND WANTS ME TO SUFFER IN THE SHIT CAMPUS.

Re: [text]

[savedbyasong]

Why though? Why are you so angry? [He really doesn't understand]

I don't think our classes are bad, though many of them are strange and not what I would expect in a school.

[grand_guignol]

Is there a reason you're airing your grievances to the entire city rather than taking it to the Headmistress?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

YES.
IT'S TO MAKE EVERYBODY'S MISERABLE LIVES A LITTLE MORE AWFUL, ONE EXPLETIVE AT A TIME.