rakuen | [city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE I WILL BE LAUDED THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A HEAPING DOSE OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."

FYI I AM PRESENTLY HELD HOSTAGE AT THE CAMPUS KNOWN AS "CONQUEST", HUNCHED SURREPTITIOUSLY WHILE I USE MY SHITTY NEW PDA AS MY PEERS PASS ME BY WITH HATEFUL JUDGMENT IN THEIR EYES.
IS THERE A MORE CONVENIENT COMMUNICATING DEVICE (A.K.A. HUSKTOP) BECAUSE THIS IS SHIT
NO, MY BAD, THIS IS THE SHIT SHIT *EATS*.

P.S. WHAT *ON EARTH* (LITERALLY) ARE BALLS
WHY ARE THEY REQUIRED TO DESCEND
DOES SANTANA HAVE THEM
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IS SHE USING THEM TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY OVER ME

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

)(ello to you, too, Karcatfish. T)(e PDAs aren't t)(at bad, and )(ey, you're in t)(e same sc)(ool as me! T)(at is pretty awesome.

No, t)(is is not a dreambubble. It is pretty real and pretty --EXCITING!

...and. Um. Awkward! Bot)( the veiled insult to my lusus and t)(e, well. Question about w)(et)(er )(uman girls )(ave human guy anatomy bits.

You mig)(t want to conc)(sider a trip to the library)(ive and reading a little on cultural sensitivity.

WELL, AT LEAST I COULD KEEP YOU IN CHECK.
(WHAT ABOUT GAMZEE???)

THERE IS NOTHING EXCITING ABOUT THIS.
I CAN SHIT THINGS MORE EXCITING THAN THIS.

THEY HAVE A WHOLE BOOK ABOUT *THAT*?
I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO READ ABOUT MAMMALIAN REPRODUCTION, WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I START NOW??????

W)(ale, let me put it t)(is way: I'm glad you're )(ere. So far not)(ing too bad has )(appened, but I've )(ad to talk )(im down.

I t)(ink you will be surprised. It's not all bad. T)(ere are some wonderfoam people )(ere and a lot of t)(e alien kids are )(ere too! I t)(ink t)(at )(as to be a little ---EXCITING, even for you, Grumpygills.

Because. Let me put it frankly. S)(e told you to grow a set of s)(ame globes and I was reely )(oping I would not )(ave to be t)(e one to tell you t)(at.

THIS MIGHT BE A BIT INSENSITIVE TO ASK BUT
ARE YOU DEAD LIKE SERKET?????

SO FAR, I THINK I HATE ALL OF THEM!
AND I WILL CONTINUE TO HATE ALL OF THEM.
BECAUSE ONLY IN THEIR RAUNCHIEST DREAMS WILL THEY EVER BE "WONDERFOAM".
OHHHHH BOY, LITTLE OINKBEASTS TO GATHER UP!!
THIS SIDE JOB AS AN AGRICULTIONER SURE IS REWARDING AND FUN.
I'M HAVING A BLAST.

YOU ARE THE ONE OF MANY.

No, I'm not. W)(at do you mean, Vriska's dead? S)(e )(ad )(er clownfis)(-orange pajamas. I don't know everyt)(ing about t)(e future, but I know Sollux went blind, otter s)(it )(appened, and t)(ere are a lot of blank spots in t)(ere for me.

O)( no. Karkat )(ates people. W)(atever will we do? O)(. Rig)(t. We'll deal. Because knowing t)(at t)(ere are people w)(o will )(ave your back in a fig)(t is a terribubble t)(ing to know. It is t)(e worst t)(ing t)(at cod possibly )(appen.

Let's just drop t)(at subject, t)(en.

I don't know )(ow to word t)(is, so I'll just say it straig)(t up. Sollux was )(ere but t)(en got sent back )(ome. I don't know )(ow or w)(y, but )(e left a Memory C)(arm and an upgrade for me. W)(ale, I don't know if t)(ey were just for me or not, but I was a Player t)(at round, )(e was one of my Weapons, and so t)(ey were t)(ere t)(e morning after )(e got sent )(ome.

THANK GOD.
NEVER MIND THAT VRISKA'S DEAD, AS LONG AS SHE'S HERE.
YEAH I REMEMBER THAT PART.

I AM REALLY NOT UP TO ARGUING WITH YOU SO LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.

SENT BACK HOME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
...HOW WAS HE?

I don't get it, but okay.

Yea)(. I mean, sent back. One day, )(ere, t)(e next day, gone. And t)(e c)(arms were on my pillow. But )(e seemed fine before t)(at. )(appy, actually, even if being blind )(ad to suck. I'm just glad )(e was smiling.

THAT IS THE BIGGEST PILE OF HOOFBEAST SHIT THAT EVER RAMMED ITSELF INTO MY SPONGE CLOTHS
EVEN COUNTING EVERYTHING SERKET SAYS
IT WINS THE GOLD.
NOBODY SHOULD BE ABLE TO LEAVE WITHOUT ADVANCE NOTICE AND MY EXPLICIT WRITTEN CONSENT.

BUT IF HE WAS SMILING THEN
..........
OOPS THAT SENTENCE JUST SLAMMED INTO A REEF.
ADIOS SENTENCE. GOOD RIDDANCE.

[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

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that awkward feeling where you swear you tagged ._.

it's fine! :3

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