threshprinceoffuckyou: (in hell's kitchen)
Karkat Vantas - carcinoGeneticist ([personal profile] threshprinceoffuckyou) wrote in [community profile] rakuen2012-02-06 01:13 am

[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE I WILL BE LAUDED THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A HEAPING DOSE OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."

FYI I AM PRESENTLY HELD HOSTAGE AT THE CAMPUS KNOWN AS "CONQUEST", HUNCHED SURREPTITIOUSLY WHILE I USE MY SHITTY NEW PDA AS MY PEERS PASS ME BY WITH HATEFUL JUDGMENT IN THEIR EYES.
IS THERE A MORE CONVENIENT COMMUNICATING DEVICE (A.K.A. HUSKTOP) BECAUSE THIS IS SHIT
NO, MY BAD, THIS IS THE SHIT SHIT *EATS*.

P.S. WHAT *ON EARTH* (LITERALLY) ARE BALLS
WHY ARE THEY REQUIRED TO DESCEND
DOES SANTANA HAVE THEM
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IS SHE USING THEM TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY OVER ME
knightime: Artist Unknown (up yours)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-02-06 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
woah woah woah
when the fuck did you decide
i was going to be your bitch???
i never agreed to being some assholes whore
btw asshole is you jsyk
so lets back the car up into the parking lot and fucking shift that gear into park
you dont just fucking decide that shit

themidwife: The Midwife in his natural habitat. ([scribble] OH MY GOD WHO EVEN DOES THAT)

[personal profile] themidwife 2012-02-06 03:11 am (UTC)(link)
WHAT NO FUCK YOU
I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE ON THE GROUNDS THAT YOU EVEN CONSIDERED IT FOR HALF A FUCKING MOMENT.

ALSO IF YOU EVEN *JOKE* ABOUT THE TIME-OUT CHAIR
I WILL PERSONALLY FIND YOU
AND THIS TIME, THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE.

FIVE.
WHOLE.
MINUTES.
knightime: Artist Unknown (leaning on shit is cool)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-02-06 03:14 am (UTC)(link)
gog
both of you
just get a room
you two are giving everyone second hand embarrassment from you two fighting
its like watching someone scream at themselves

themidwife: The Midwife, vomiting rainbows. ([rage] I WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN)

[personal profile] themidwife 2012-02-06 03:22 am (UTC)(link)
SPOILER ALERT: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS FUCKING IS, STRIDER.
SPOILER ALERT #2: ONE OF US HAS TO BACK DOWN EVENTUALLY
AND IT SURE AS FUCK ISN'T GOING TO BE ME.
knightime: Art by zerostop (da fuq is dat shit)

[personal profile] knightime 2012-02-06 03:30 am (UTC)(link)
ok
you two enjoy your little camp on
im fucking outtie


--turntechGodhead [TG] ce-
no fuck this im just outtie