threshprinceoffuckyou: (in hell's kitchen)
Karkat Vantas - carcinoGeneticist ([personal profile] threshprinceoffuckyou) wrote in [community profile] rakuen2012-02-06 01:13 am

[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE I WILL BE LAUDED THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A HEAPING DOSE OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."

FYI I AM PRESENTLY HELD HOSTAGE AT THE CAMPUS KNOWN AS "CONQUEST", HUNCHED SURREPTITIOUSLY WHILE I USE MY SHITTY NEW PDA AS MY PEERS PASS ME BY WITH HATEFUL JUDGMENT IN THEIR EYES.
IS THERE A MORE CONVENIENT COMMUNICATING DEVICE (A.K.A. HUSKTOP) BECAUSE THIS IS SHIT
NO, MY BAD, THIS IS THE SHIT SHIT *EATS*.

P.S. WHAT *ON EARTH* (LITERALLY) ARE BALLS
WHY ARE THEY REQUIRED TO DESCEND
DOES SANTANA HAVE THEM
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IS SHE USING THEM TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY OVER ME
fabricates: (♏ i thought i'd learned a thing or two)

look at all this swag i have

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 03:49 am (UTC)(link)
"8lah, 8lah, 8laaaaaaaah 8itching and moaning I'm not in control of anything like usual" is all I'm getting from this.
Chill out, Vantas. You're em8arrassing us in front of the humans.

And that's really none of your 8usiness, nookstain!
8esides, it doesn't even matter here so don't worry your stu88y little horns a8out it.
Edited 2012-02-06 03:56 (UTC)
fabricates: (♏ what you see)

<3

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 04:06 am (UTC)(link)
[It's not too hard of a debate about whether or not she's going to tell him.]

Oh please! Would you just get over yourself?
We only let you 8e the leader so you would shut your trap long enough to get anything done.
News flash! It dooooooooesn't matter anymore. Not here anyway.
May8e I'll tell you l8r. May8e not! Who knows? You don't. :::;)
fabricates: (♏ and i gotta throw my hands up)

<33333333

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Why do you just tell me everything a8out your point on the timeline?
It would just 8e easier!
And I just love it when you 8ore me with paragraph after paragraph of shitty grey text.
So get to it, Karkat! I'm w8ing.
fabricates: (♏ it never stops as it turns)

me too it's an ongoing problem askdkajs

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, I'm quaking in my 8oots over here! I just don't feel like w8sting my time 8lathering on a8out where I am on the timeline.
What's the 8ig deal?
8y the way, that 8argain sucks. Why would anyone 8e stupid enough to agree to it?
Tick tock, Vantas. It's rude to keep a lady w8ing. What's the last thing you remem8er?
fabricates: (♏ and i gotta throw my hands up)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
May8e!
Maaaaaaaay8e not. It depends on what you remem8er, 8rave leader.
fabricates: (♏ who's gonna be its ingenious critic?)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
As if you aren't wasting just as much time 8y not telling me what you know.
It depends on what you know. I don't want to spoil you for any gr8 surprises there might 8e in the future.
fabricates: (♏ my dreams need realizing)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
[Fuck. Just... play it off.]

So you know I'm dead. That saves me a lot of trou8le.
fabricates: (♏ i'm gonna give it my all)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
You failed as a leader in general, Vantas.
I don't know why you're choosing to apologize a8out this specific failure of yours in a long, long, incredi8ly long list of fuck ups.
fabricates: (♏ when everything with meaning)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 06:15 am (UTC)(link)
You're such a dum8ass.
What does that say a8out you then? Life was so repulsed 8y you and your 8ullshit that it dropped you here to have to gru8sit your "lackeys" again?
Sucks to 8e you!!!!!!!!
fabricates: (♏ you're sweet talking)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 06:26 am (UTC)(link)
That would 8e 8ecause we did!
Do you think you could have 8eat the 8lack King without my help and incredi8le luck? I don't think so!
I don't even want to think a8out would it would actually 8e like if you were my lusus. I pro8a8ly would have culled myself just to end the misery.
fabricates: (♏ and i gotta throw my hands up)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 06:43 am (UTC)(link)
Which would make us helpful. 8ut you just said we weren't, Karkat.
Why don't you make up your mind and get 8ack to me when you've actually thought through your insults? Everyone would really appreci8 it. ::::)
fabricates: (♏ i'm gonna give it my all)

[personal profile] fabricates 2012-02-06 06:51 am (UTC)(link)
Too l8!
You missed that chance. I don't feel like 8eing your lackey anymore.
See, the gr8 thing a8out 8eing dead? I don't fall under your jurisdiction anymore.

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