rakuen | [city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE I WILL BE LAUDED THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A HEAPING DOSE OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."

FYI I AM PRESENTLY HELD HOSTAGE AT THE CAMPUS KNOWN AS "CONQUEST", HUNCHED SURREPTITIOUSLY WHILE I USE MY SHITTY NEW PDA AS MY PEERS PASS ME BY WITH HATEFUL JUDGMENT IN THEIR EYES.
IS THERE A MORE CONVENIENT COMMUNICATING DEVICE (A.K.A. HUSKTOP) BECAUSE THIS IS SHIT
NO, MY BAD, THIS IS THE SHIT SHIT *EATS*.

P.S. WHAT *ON EARTH* (LITERALLY) ARE BALLS
WHY ARE THEY REQUIRED TO DESCEND
DOES SANTANA HAVE THEM
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IS SHE USING THEM TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY OVER ME

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Look, I'm not human, I don't know what "trolling" is. It sounds like being an ass though.

I WAS JUST TELLING YOU! [You, sir, are a wonderful troll.] Humph, smarter than you.

IT IS BEING AN ASS.

JUST BECAUSE YOU SAID IT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE
LIKE I COULD SAY I CAN SINGLEHANDEDLY YANK OUT YOUR ORGANS AND FEED THEM TO YOU UNTIL YOU DEFECATE RAINBOWS BUT WE BOTH KNOW I CAN'T DO THAT
I CAN CERTAINLY TRY THOUGH.

. . . Well, that pretty much answers all of my questions.

Please, try. That would probably make my fucking day, actually. I don't think I've ever had someone try to feed me my own intestines.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, THAT IS THE MOST FUCKED UP THING EVER TO WRIGGLE ITS WAY INTO MY THINK PAN
YOU ARE THE SICKEST AND MOST DEPRAVED ASSHOLE I'VE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF MEETING, AND THAT IS COUNTING HOOFBEAST FUCKER, ROBO FETISHIST OF THE YEAR.
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SCATHING, RHETORICAL TIRADE TO MOCK YOUR 1 DIGIT IQ
NOT A LITERAL THREAT FOR YOU TO GET OFF TO
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.

I wasn't being serious, silly! You couldn't pull that off if you tried, I was . . . wait.

[What.]

By hoofbeast fucker, do you mean . . . [Okay she's starting to wonder about you. UNSURE FACE.]

EQUIUS.
HE WAS ONE OF MY FUCKED UP TEAMMATES.
BLUE BLOODED, SWEATS A LOT.
MAYBE I SHOULD PUT UP SIGNS:
"HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ASSHOLE?"

Nope, I haven't seen anyone around here sweating and fetishing.

Teammates? [She is a catperson, she is CURIOUS.]

THANK FUCKING GOD.

GET. A. FUCKING. DICTIONARY. DICK SACK.

I KNOW WHAT THE WORD TEAMMATES MEANS. I just didn't see you as the type to be on one.

Even though I'm surprised you learned what a dick is so soon, how vulgar of you~

OF COURSE I'M A TEAM PLAYER.
I'M THE TEAM'S MOTHERFUCKING LEADER, WHY SHOULDN'T I BE???
WITHOUT ME, THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL THEIR LEFT CLAW FROM THEIR ELBOW
THEY *NEED* ME
BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST SO PAINSTAKINGLY RETARDED!
I MEANT THAT LITERALLY
THEIR COLLECTIVE, TRIGGER HAPPY RETARDED SELVES CAUSE ME GREAT PHYSICAL PAIN
BUT I PUT UP WITH THAT
I YELL AT THEM UNTIL THEY STOP BEING STUPID
BECAUSE I'M SUCH A GOOD FUCKING PERSON.
IT'S A TOUGH JOB BUT SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT.

EXCUSE ME, ALL THIS TIME, YOU THOUGHT I WAS A VIRGIN MAIDEN WHOSE LIPS WOULD NEVER UTTER BIG BAD CURSE WORDS
EVEN THOUGH I THREATENED TO FEED YOU YOUR INTESTINES UNTIL YOU SHIT RAINBOWS???
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
DO YOU NOT PAY FUCKING ATTENTION
JEGUS GET A FUCKING PEN.

I'm not going to ask how that worked out for ya, but I guess yelling at people does work . . .

Really, you don't get sarcasm? Seriously?

BITCH I WAS THE BEST MOTHERFUCKING LEADER.

OH.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
YOU ARE SO FUNNY I'M GOING TO SCREAM.

I'm sure. I'm just shaking in fear of your leading skills.

Not my fault you just can't get it~

[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

I am so sorry I'm so late ; ;

that is totally fine!

<3

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