[city-wide network post][karkat shut up: memo 3]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo CUT THE SHIT OUT AND LISTEN FOR FUCKING ONCE --

OK, FOR FUCKING ONCE, I'M NOT BEING A RETARDED, ORNERY FUCK-UP
SO PRIOR-TO-THIS-SHITFEST MEMBERS, HUMANS AND TROLLS ALIKE, ZIP IT AND LISTEN UP.
(IF YOU'RE SANTANA OR AISHA, FUCK OFF, NOBODY LIKES YOU. FUN FACT OF THE DAY: EVERY TIME EITHER ONE OF YOU OPENS UP YOUR WORD HOLE, FORTY BRAIN CELLS ARE KILLED. FORTY. THAT'S LIKE FOUR TENS!!!)

ACTUALLY BEFORE I PROCEED TO THE IIIIMPORTANT THING!!! I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT, LET ME JUST SAY:
DAY IS A BITCH.
NO, REALLY, THIS IS COMING FROM THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ANYONE HERE COULD EVER HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF KNOWING.
DAY IS A MEGALOMANIAC, BELLIGERENT FUCKING BITCH AND IT WOULD BE IN EVERYBODY'S BEST INTERESTS TO PUT HER INSIDE A BROWN SACK AND THROW HER IN A RIVER. SHE IS ASTOUNDINGLY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS FOR A FLESHY HUMAN AND SHOULD NOT BE PUT IN ANY POSITION OF POWER, EVER, BECAUSE FOR HOW INFINITELY DIFFERENT HUMANS ARE FROM TROLLS, I'M PRETTY SURE BOTH OF OUR SPECIES COULD AGREE ON THAT SURVIVING IS AN OPTION WE WOULD ALL WANT TO ENJOY.

NOW THAT'S ON THE TABLE:
LET'S TALK.
FOR SOME REASON, THE TIME/SPACE RIFT THAT DRAGS STUDENTS ARE STRONGER FOR US SBURB PLAYERS
BECAUSE WHEN HAS IT NOT BEEN??? WHEN HAS TIME/SPACE STOPPED SHITTING ON US FROM ITS ABSURD HUMAN HOOFBEAST?
AND THEN YADDY YADDY YADDA, YOU ARRIVE VIA TRAIN, YOU'VE HEARD THIS SHIT BEFORE. WELCOME TO RAKUEN, THE DUMBEST PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE, ETC.
LET ME MENTION THE DOUBLES. THEY'RE HERE. WE HAVE TWO JOHNS, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF JOHNS THAT I THINK I'M GOING TO SHIT MYSELF.
THEY'RE DIFFERENT, THOUGH. THERE'S THE ONE I KNOW, AND THERE'S THE DEAF ONE
BECAUSE FOR SOME INCOMPREHENSIBLE REASON, TIME/SPACE NOT ONLY LIKES FUCKING UP WITH TIMELINES, IT ALSO LIKES MAKING INFINITE COPIES OF YOUR IDIOTIC SELVES.
WITH THAT ESTABLISHED, HERE'S A REFERENCE OF US:
CONQUEST - KARKAT VANTAS, JOHN EGBERT, FEFERI PEIXES, TWO STRIDERS I AM POSITIVELY BOGGLING ABOUT
FORTITUDE - JADE HARLEY (BRUISED), JOHN EGBERT (DEAF), DAVE STRIDER (MUTE), VRISKA SERKET, THE MIDWIFE (DIPSHIT)
TRY TO STICK TOGETHER, AND IF YOUR PRIDE WOULD LET IT, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, LET FUCKING CONQUEST WIN.
YOU KNOW. BECAUSE NONE OF US WANTS TO DIE?

I'VE BEEN LEAD TO BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE LALONDE AND NITRAM ABOARD NOW?
IN WHICH CASE, OH BOOOOOOY, JUST WHAT I WANTED FOR PERIGEE'S -- A FLIGHTY BROAD AND A CRIPPLE!
WELCOME TO RAKUEN, BITCHES.

P.S. IN CASE ANYONE ASKS, I'M VOWING TO JOHN BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FUCKING CAMPUS THAT ISN'T STONE COLD RETARDED

Comments

[greenspaces]

i.....
i am going to fight john for you
if thats okay

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[ whoa. hot. ]

UH.
THAT'S COMPLETELY FINE.

[wakingsavior]

haha oh man awesome! i will totally come watch you kick other me's ass.
do you want to battle after for karkat's maiden honor?
i just feel like it's a thing that should be done
well if you want i mean.
i just think a friendly strife between ectosibs is all in good fun bluh bluh bluh.
plus it's my first time being a player so i'd prefer to kick off my battling with someone i know won't go for the kill if i suck.

NOT HERE

[herplaceinthesun]

[Nice job insulting a girl in a coma.

YOU'RE A WINNER, KARKAT. ]

NOT HERE

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[ WOW HE'D FEEL LIKE A DOUCHE ]

text

[smupette]

for once i respect you.
good job.

text

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
THIS IS A TRAP, ISN'T IT.
HAHAHAHA, I CAUGHT YOU, YOU MANIACAL MADWOMAN.
I AM NOT TURNING AROUND.

txt

[straightupzorra]

I'm hurt, I think I'm plenty liked here.

txt

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

HOLY SHIT.
I KNEW YOU WERE A BITCH
I DIDN'T FUCKING KNOW YOU WERE DELUSIONAL TOO.
SHOULD I START FETCHING THE ABSURD IVORY CLAMPS FOR YOUR LIMBS AND CALL A THINK PAN PHYSICIAN?
DID YOU TAKE YOUR MEDICINAL GRUBS TODAY?

[pennypincher]

I really don't understand a lot of what you just said, but you're totally right about Day. And everyone, listen to this guy when he says to let us win!

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OH MY GOD, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE I DIRECTED MOST OF IT TO MY MEMBERS??? THAT MIGHT'VE CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR LACK OF COMPREHENSION?

WHO PUT HER IN CHARGE, SERIOUSLY

[knightime]

lucky for you
i have been here since the start of all this bullshit
and if we somehow dont fuck up the status quo
and things go as they should
conquest should be winning this round
but thats assuming shit doesnt hit the fan and everything just falls apart
which is also likely in this fucked up place
also im going to be honest with you
i rather be dealing with day then
some of the psychos in this place

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OH REALLY? DID SOME OF THE PSYCHOS THERE MURDERED YOUR THINK PAN WHEN ALL YOU WANTED WAS A SPOONFUL OF GRUB AND AN EXPLANATION?

ARE YOU IMPLYING THAT SHIT'S GOING TO HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE THIS WEEK?

[cullscuttlefish]

Karkat? Do you -EV-EN R-EALIZ-E Ais)(a's been in t)(e infirmary for a couple of weeks? Not conchsious?

I'm on your team - in more ways t)(an one, because I've also got a vow wit)( Jo)(n, but you reely otter t)(ink about t)(e t)(ings you say before you say t)(em.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

...
WHAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNCONCH-- UNCONSCIOUS
WHAT.

text

[lovesignmasterspark]

finally something we can agree on
shes a bitch alright
ive been watching how she reacts to the conquest people for a while now
at this rate shell just start killing the students since nobody ever stays dead here
not like our own prefect at fort is exactly saintly or anything

text

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

THIS COULD NOT BE FUCKING LEGAL, HOLY SHIT

[doesthewindything]

i'd be glad to vow with you Karkat!
we make a pretty good team.
we gotta win so the headmistress will shut up about us losing.
or at least leave us alone if we win but the others don't.
it'd be nice if she could stop throwing these warnings out like it's rotten candy.

[wakingsavior]

hey other me!
since we're both players this round, you wanna strife?
i'm pretty sure i can kick your ass in a fair fight!
;)

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OK, THAT'S IT THEN.
THERE WAS LITERALLY NO WAY YOU WOULD'VE SAID NO TO THIS PARTNERSHIP ANYWAY.

[greenspaces]

john
i am going to fight you for karkat
ok?

um i mean if you want to
if you do not then thats okay too

[wakingsavior]

i think i can speak for the sburbians in fortitude at least when i saaaaay...
yeah, i kinda want to make sure you guys win.
i mean i want to kick some ass, too, but not so much that fortitude wins this week.
that shit was fucked up and i didn't even watch most of it.

[ posted almost immediately after ]

wait, rose is here????????

[doesthewindything]

yep!
she's over here in conquest.
i'm trying to find her player right now though, she already got vowed.
gonna see about getting her transferred to me.

[bloodbrother]

All of these conversations are strange and colorful.

And if it makes you feel any better, if our Headmistress kills us, we'll come right back, apparently.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OH SHIT NO REALLY???

THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY TO FUCKING KILL US.
BECAUSE IT'S
YOU KNOW
*FUCKING KILLING US*.

[overthroen]

word of my second coming has spread quickly, it seems. including to people who i'm unfamiliar with.
i can only assume that we built an enduring friendship when i was here last.
i'm enormously disappointed that i don't remember it. our conversations must have been a bundle of laughs, subsequently tied around the noose and thrown into the river.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR TEXT?
DID YOUR "PROPER CAPITALIZATION" RUN AWAY FROM BEING PRETENTIOUS AND OVERUSED?

WE HAVEN'T TALKED A LOT FROM WHERE I AM BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU'RE NOT EXCLUDED FROM MY VITRIOL.
THIS MUST BE A MEMORY ERASURE THING???
FOR THE TIME BEING, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND CALL ME -- I DON'T KNOW, A FUCKING NICKNAME OR SOMETHING.
I WILL NOT ACCEPT STUPID NICKNAMES.