[city-wide network post][karkat shut up: memo 3]

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo CUT THE SHIT OUT AND LISTEN FOR FUCKING ONCE --

OK, FOR FUCKING ONCE, I'M NOT BEING A RETARDED, ORNERY FUCK-UP
SO PRIOR-TO-THIS-SHITFEST MEMBERS, HUMANS AND TROLLS ALIKE, ZIP IT AND LISTEN UP.
(IF YOU'RE SANTANA OR AISHA, FUCK OFF, NOBODY LIKES YOU. FUN FACT OF THE DAY: EVERY TIME EITHER ONE OF YOU OPENS UP YOUR WORD HOLE, FORTY BRAIN CELLS ARE KILLED. FORTY. THAT'S LIKE FOUR TENS!!!)

ACTUALLY BEFORE I PROCEED TO THE IIIIMPORTANT THING!!! I WAS GOING TO TALK ABOUT, LET ME JUST SAY:
DAY IS A BITCH.
NO, REALLY, THIS IS COMING FROM THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ANYONE HERE COULD EVER HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF KNOWING.
DAY IS A MEGALOMANIAC, BELLIGERENT FUCKING BITCH AND IT WOULD BE IN EVERYBODY'S BEST INTERESTS TO PUT HER INSIDE A BROWN SACK AND THROW HER IN A RIVER. SHE IS ASTOUNDINGLY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS FOR A FLESHY HUMAN AND SHOULD NOT BE PUT IN ANY POSITION OF POWER, EVER, BECAUSE FOR HOW INFINITELY DIFFERENT HUMANS ARE FROM TROLLS, I'M PRETTY SURE BOTH OF OUR SPECIES COULD AGREE ON THAT SURVIVING IS AN OPTION WE WOULD ALL WANT TO ENJOY.

NOW THAT'S ON THE TABLE:
LET'S TALK.
FOR SOME REASON, THE TIME/SPACE RIFT THAT DRAGS STUDENTS ARE STRONGER FOR US SBURB PLAYERS
BECAUSE WHEN HAS IT NOT BEEN??? WHEN HAS TIME/SPACE STOPPED SHITTING ON US FROM ITS ABSURD HUMAN HOOFBEAST?
AND THEN YADDY YADDY YADDA, YOU ARRIVE VIA TRAIN, YOU'VE HEARD THIS SHIT BEFORE. WELCOME TO RAKUEN, THE DUMBEST PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE, ETC.
LET ME MENTION THE DOUBLES. THEY'RE HERE. WE HAVE TWO JOHNS, SERIOUSLY, THAT IS A LUDICROUS AMOUNT OF JOHNS THAT I THINK I'M GOING TO SHIT MYSELF.
THEY'RE DIFFERENT, THOUGH. THERE'S THE ONE I KNOW, AND THERE'S THE DEAF ONE
BECAUSE FOR SOME INCOMPREHENSIBLE REASON, TIME/SPACE NOT ONLY LIKES FUCKING UP WITH TIMELINES, IT ALSO LIKES MAKING INFINITE COPIES OF YOUR IDIOTIC SELVES.
WITH THAT ESTABLISHED, HERE'S A REFERENCE OF US:
CONQUEST - KARKAT VANTAS, JOHN EGBERT, FEFERI PEIXES, TWO STRIDERS I AM POSITIVELY BOGGLING ABOUT
FORTITUDE - JADE HARLEY (BRUISED), JOHN EGBERT (DEAF), DAVE STRIDER (MUTE), VRISKA SERKET, THE MIDWIFE (DIPSHIT)
TRY TO STICK TOGETHER, AND IF YOUR PRIDE WOULD LET IT, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, LET FUCKING CONQUEST WIN.
YOU KNOW. BECAUSE NONE OF US WANTS TO DIE?

I'VE BEEN LEAD TO BELIEVE THAT WE HAVE LALONDE AND NITRAM ABOARD NOW?
IN WHICH CASE, OH BOOOOOOY, JUST WHAT I WANTED FOR PERIGEE'S -- A FLIGHTY BROAD AND A CRIPPLE!
WELCOME TO RAKUEN, BITCHES.

P.S. IN CASE ANYONE ASKS, I'M VOWING TO JOHN BECAUSE HE'S THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FUCKING CAMPUS THAT ISN'T STONE COLD RETARDED

Comments

[greenspaces]

i.....
i am going to fight john for you
if thats okay

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[ whoa. hot. ]

UH.
THAT'S COMPLETELY FINE.

[greenspaces]

okay
i just wanted to make sure it was okay with you before i actually did it
i fought a lot last round
and i am getting better :)

how are you?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ANYWAY?
I HARDLY RECEIVED A WORD FROM YOU LAST WEEK.
I THOUGHT YOU FUCKING DISAPPEARED OR SOMETHING.
POOF GOES THE HARLEY.

UH.
FINE I GUESS?

[greenspaces]

oh
well, i was busy being a player i guess.......
i fought a lot of battles
and vriska taught me how to use a sword :)

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

VRISKA?
I COULD'VE TAUGHT YOU HOW TO USE ONE EASY.
I MEAN
A SICKLE IS ALMOST A FUCKING SWORD, OK.
WHY HER.

[greenspaces]

well um
she is around......
and i vowed with her, so she had to teach me how to use her weapon form..

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

HARLEY.
IN CASE NOBODY HAS EVER INFORMED YOU ABOUT IT BEFORE, BUT SERKET IS A GRADE A PSYCHOPATH. SHE IS LITERALLY INSANE AND IS PRONE TO BOUTS OF LITERAL, MURDEROUS RAGE.
I ADVISE THAT YOU STAY FAR, FAR AWAY FROM HER.
IF YOU NEED A TROLL TO HANG OUT WITH, I WILL REITERATE THAT I AM FUCKING OPEN TO FULFILLING ALL YOUR HANGING OUT NEEDS, SO LONG AS IT ENTAILS NOTHING PARTICULARLY STUPID THAT WILL DAMPEN THE INTEGRITY OF MY PERSON.

[greenspaces]

oh
she seems kind of nice....
but i would like to hang out with you :)

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

OK, COOL.
LET'S DO THAT.
THE HANGING OUT THING.
THAT IS A FANTASTIC FUCKING IDEA.

[greenspaces]

ok :)
do you like
um
well what do you like?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

DO YOU WANT TO GO SEE A MOVIE SOMETIME

[greenspaces]

oh....
like a friend date?

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[ let him just... take a second to hyperventilate here. ]

YES.
LIKE A *FRIEND* DATE.

[greenspaces]

why did you put the star things around friend?

[wakingsavior]

haha oh man awesome! i will totally come watch you kick other me's ass.
do you want to battle after for karkat's maiden honor?
i just feel like it's a thing that should be done
well if you want i mean.
i just think a friendly strife between ectosibs is all in good fun bluh bluh bluh.
plus it's my first time being a player so i'd prefer to kick off my battling with someone i know won't go for the kill if i suck.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

MAIDEN HONOR?
FUCK YOU!
100% MANLY MALE HERE.

[wakingsavior]

sure, whatever you say.








milady.

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT.
NAME ONE INSTANCE THAT I HAVE EVER EXHIBITED COYNESS AND DEMURENESS, ENOUGH TO LAUD ME THE TITLE OF "MAIDEN", AND I WILL WEAR A FUCKING SKIRT THE REST OF THE WEEK.
NO, STOP
LET ME SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE: STOP TRYING, BECAUSE I AM A TESTOSTERONE-FUELED MACHO MAN AT ALL TIMES.
PERIOD.

[greenspaces]

hehehe
maybe.......
i think he will probably beat me
but thats okay
i like battling anyway :)

[wakingsavior]

jade, you are a bamf, you totally could kick his ass.
you could totally kick my ass too, probably.
but if you lose, you just gotta rematch him and make sure things are in your favor.
even if you wait until next round you two are players.

[greenspaces]

thanks john....
should i use the other karkat?
he turns into something cool.....
but i have other weapons too
like this pony, and a country

ok :)