rakuen | text;

<<'NO.'>>

[ John unfolds himself and stands up, and while he can't raise his voice, the emphaticness of his gestures make up for that. There's a sort of hysterical determined glint in eye. ]

<<'He's not dead yet. He's not dead and I can change it and I will find a way to change it. He's not dead yet. I am awesome, and I'm going to be god tier and I will save him.'>>

[ He's shaking. And Dave can take him at his word and drop the subject and help him not freak out, or he can push him and break him. It's going to happen anyway, but it can happen now or it can happen in a day or two when he's unable to keep not breaking anymore. ]

[No. Fuck you, John. He isn't going to let you do this to yourself. Even if it hurts so fucking much, it isn't going to do them any good if you think that you can suddenly save Dad or Mom or anyone who's going to have to die for this stupid fucking session.]

<<'No, Egbert. That's not how it fucking works. Your dad is going to fucking die like how her mom is going to fucking kick the goddamn bucket to.'>> [His signing is becoming more clipped and it's obvious Dave doesn't care if he looks annoyed or pissed or that it's obviously showing up in how he signs, because this is a stupid thing to be arguing over.]

<<'You can't fucking change something that's going to happen, because it's going to fucking happen. You probably won't even know it happens until it does. Well fuck, that's how shit works. Your amount of awesome is invalid and not enough to fucking change that. He's going to fucking die and you're going to have to come to fucking terms with that.'>>

<<'I CAN.'>>

[ He's shaking and his breathing is getting a little ragged and tears are probably not far away ]

<<'I can. I have to. I have to because if I can't then he's GONE, and he's all I've got and if I don't have him then it's just me.'>>

[ And oh, he's trying not to cry, but that's a tear there. Right there. ]

<<'I'm not Jade, I can't do the growing up alone thing, I need to have somebody. So he CAN'T be gone. I have to save him. I have to, so shut the fuck up and stop telling me I can't!'>>

<<'Don't be so fucking stupid, Egbert. I didn't say anything about you growing up alone. You still have three people behind obnoxiously colored texts.'>>

[And he knows that it isn't the same as having someone who raised you. But it's stupid to say you're growing up alone when you're going to be with three other people stuck in the same fucked up session as you.]

<<'But I'm not letting you fucking lie about something that's going to have to happen. Because it is going to happen, and nothing we say or do is going to change what's going to fucking happen.>> [Because Dave knows that them dying is part of the Alpha timeline. Not that he'll admit to John unless he keeps pushing this crazy bullshit that John can actually do something about it.]

[ John covers his face with his hands, and a strangled little noise, almost a mewling sort of noise, escapes him. He doesn't even realise it. All he knows is that his chest feels like it's being crushed, and his eyes are burning, and it's taking every ounce of willpower for him not to just... start crying.

This is Dave. Dave's about being cool and not crying or anything like that and he's not going to cry. He's not going to sob, he's not going to be broken even though he's 13 and he just found out that he's pretty much an orphan now. Or... will be shortly after he gets back. He's Schrödinger's orphan, but that's not the point.

The point is that he's standing in the middle of Dave's room, trying (and failing) not to cry.

He pushes his glasses up and scrubs at his face, staring intently at his feet while signing. ]

<<'I should go.'>>

[ ...DAVE. HUG YOUR BRO, DAVE. ]

[If John only knew that Dave isn't as cool as he says he is. That there's a lot of things he does and says that would shock the other. That inside, he's flipping out, but he won't show that. He won't tell John how much this is tearing him apart, because John doesn't need to know.

He's just been told his dad is dead. There's no way he's going to give John any extra baggage.

Dave can deal with everything else.

He chews the inside of his cheek for a moment before he grabs the other and pulls him into an awkward hug. Dave doesn't really know how to do this comforting shit. He's pretty sure that's Jade's department or something. Not his.]

[ John doesn't really think about his reaction to the hug. Dave's arms go around him, awkward though it might be, and Dave latches on. He buries his face in Dave's shoulder and just stands there.

He doesn't cry, not really, but he shudders a bit, and feels Dave's heartbeat, and steadies his breathing. He has someone. He has Dave, and he has Jade. Even if they're all a little fucked up, he has them. They're not his dad, but they're someone, they're two someones, that he can rely on to be there for him if he needs them.

He'll probably cry himself to sleep tonight, but this, right now... this is the important part. The part where he can be in denial or he can accept it, and...

Dave wouldn't lie to him. If there was a chance he could really change it, Dave would have his back. And he doesn't want to think about it, but if Dave's telling him that it absolutely isn't going to happen... ]

Thank you.

[ It's muffled by Dave's shoulder, garbled by a mixture of his emotion and his normal garbling, but there you go. He's not quite ready to let go just yet.

He has to remind himself that he still has someone. ]

[He's not sure what to do other then keep hugging him. And yeah, maybe it's a little embarrassing, but Dave doesn't really mind.

And maybe Dave will invite John to stay over the night. There's extra beds anyways and he can tell John they can steal all the sheets and pillows and have some intense feelings jam, or just make a pillow fort or maybe just make sure John actually gets to sleep since Dave doesn't really know who's in John's room and therefore doesn't trust them.

And he honestly feels like shit when the other thanks him. Because why is John thanking him for being the stubborn prick who makes sure that John doesn't deny the shitty truth.

But John is still hugging him and he's hugging John, so he just stands there. Even if he's still really awkward.]

[ Finally, John does let go, step back, scrub at his eyes a bit, attempt a really weak smile. ]

<<'Sorry. I'm fine. I'll be fine.'>>

[ And he will be, more or less. He will focus on classes and battles and teaching people a little useful ASL and being glad to have Dave and Jade here. And he'll be okay. And until he's okay, he'll mostly put up a pretty good front - good to people who don't know him, anyway. ]

<<'You can sleep over the night if you want. We can make a fucking pile or pillow fort. Shit will be real. We can invite Jade over as long as I don't touch her and it'll be fucking bitching.'>> [And...oh god he's just rambling or something.]

<<'Or a feelings jam if you want one of those. I'm pretty open to these things.'>>

[ John's weak smile turns a little more legit, if still quite shaky. ]

<<'Pillow fort sounds great. We can stay up all night and I can tell you my professional opinion of your music and shit.'>>

[ He's not really up for a feelings jam tonight. But he does appreciate the offer. ]

[He doesn't mention that the other can't give him any opinion of his music because he's deaf. For some reason this actually makes Dave a little sad inside. It's really the only thing he could do to express himself audibly. But he also doesn't mention that.]

<<'You can meet my crazy roommate. Although I think she's going to learn quickly that talking a mile a minute isn't going to work with you.'>>

[John seems to be smiling a little better though. <<'But we can do a pillow fort and shit will be so cool, that no one can ever come close to our swag.'>>

[ Well, that's why it's fun. John gets to make up complete BS about the music and try to make it sound legit, if completely full of meaningless buzzwords. He really does wish he could hear Dave's music, but until he can magically gain hearing, he has to make due with imagining. Both what music sounds like and what Dave's music sounds like.

Hint: it's nothing like what music actually sounds like because he doesn't know what SOUND sounds like. ]

<<'I can respond with my fastest signing, that might throw her off.'>>

[Too bad Dave will just roll his eyes and call the other a derp as usual.

Maybe Dave might actually invest in this drawing shit and actually get good at it. Then he can draw nice things and John would be able to see those.]

<<'Somehow I don't think that would deter her much. But you can try.'>>

[ Y SO KYOOT BOIZ. Y. ]

<<'I will try valiantly!'>>

[ Yes. Focus on... Dave, and pillow forts, and Dave's roommate, and goofing off more, and not on the fact that he's kind of freaking out a little. He was pretty chill at first, but along with the revelation that his dad's dead, it's also starting to sink in that their planet is gone. Destroyed. Meteor city. Everyone he knew back there is gone, except for Dave and Jade.

But he will ignore it, and he will not freak out, and he'll be fine. He'll be strong, and he'll be brave, because he knows that's what his dad would want him to be. ]

<<'So, by the way, getting kind of hungry. Is there someplace I'm allowed to eat?'>>

[Dave motioned in the direction of where the cafeteria should be. It probably actually didn't help the other at all, so he starts signing again.]

<<'Cafeteria dude.'>>

[He pauses for what feels like an eternity (to him).]

<<'You sure'>> [He has to pause again.] <<'You sure you're okay?'>>

<<'Oh, right. Wasn't sure, you know this whole thing with weapons and players is really fucked up.'>>

[ He stops, and looks down at his feet for a moment. That's a... really good question that John's not sure he knows the answer to. He sighs, shrugs. ]

<<'I kind of have to be, don't I? Yeah, I'm okay.'>>

[ As okay as he can be, anyway, given the circumstances. ]

<<'Everyone can eat there, but Discards don't get as many privileges. But that isn't a problem with you, since I'll curb stomp anyone who starts shit with you.'>>

[He fidgets a bit.]

<<'You don't have to be okay all the time.'>>

[ John sighs faintly, and shrugs. ]

<<'Yeah I do. Right now, anyway, because if I'm not, how the fuck do I deal with all of this crazy battling stuff?'>>

[ He can be not-okay when Exaclan and Sburb are over! Yeah. That's gonna work! ]

<<'Weapons kind of just chill and watch and kind of get hurt because if their weapon forms take damage, so do them. But Players do most of the work, so you're good.'>>

[Which just means Dave is going to be a very busy kid this week.]

<<'Let's get you some food though. We'll pig out until we puke'>>

[ John can deal with that. It's not like actually getting shot or anything. >:| ]

<<'Is the food any good, or is it totally shitty cafeteria food? Is there pizza? I've got such a craving for pizza...'>>

[ Subject: SUCCESSFULLY PUT TO REST FOR NOW! woo! ]

[Hey! Dave doesn't remember being shot a bunch of times at the moment. That's going to be awkward later...]

<<'Food here's actually good. It's totally worth eating. But then again, I'm used to fast food and shit for food, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask about this.'>> [He's being awfully vague about his home life as usual.]

<<'Come on. We can pig out on the desserts.'>>

<<'Good desserts? Please say pudding!'>>

[ The idea of dessert makes John bounce a little, and then opens the door and waves for Dave to follow. Yup, he's totally fine, Dave, see? ]

[He follows John. He still suspects that the other is going to need some future bro hugs, but those could wait.

If the other was going to try and be happy...]

<<'Anything you want, they probably got it.'>> [Messes up your already messy hair.]

[ John sticks his tongue out and tries to smooth his hair down. ...it doesn't really do anything ]

<<'What about... snickerdoodles?'>>

[ Yes, he is going to ask if they have very specific things as they walk. Shhhhh... ]

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