Remembering [open]

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku and anyone who dares approach
Format: I'm starting in prose, but will follow you
This log is: Open (the first part is closed to Lelouch, the rest is open to anyone and everyone)
Location: Out side the shop and then near the woods/drifting round town. The part with Lelouch is Friday afternoon and the rest is Saturday
Summary: Suzaku gets a memory back, it's not a good one.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, killing, weapons of mass destruction, self hating thoughts, more angst, also spoilers for code geass R2 ep18.

[Friday] Suzaku held the small bag containing the memory, he had used the money that had been left on his bed to buy it, or Lelouch had bought it as Suzaku couldn't. He had guessed the money had come from Fortitude's headmistress and she was hoping he would remember Zero's identity. Since the last memory he had regained, as his present off Feferi had been something so small he hadn't even realised he had forgotten it he was curious about what this one may contain. He looked to Lelouch to see if he wanted to go anywhere before activating it.

[Saturday] Suzaku's roommates will have noticed that Suzaku did not return on Friday evening, nor was he anywhere to be seen on Saturday morning. However nearing lunch time of Saturday he can be spotted leaving the woods. It doesn't look like he has slept, his clothes are damp from the snow slush that still persists on falling. If you get close enough you will see his knuckles are bruised and bleeding.

He wanders listlessly around town. His thoughts are still jumbled and unsure. The memory itself is blury, as if there is something missing. He can remember fighting, he can remember looking down on the crater that once had been the Tokyo settlement, but in between; nothing.

But there was no doubt it was him who had done that, who had killed all those people. He hadn't wanted to, thought he could carry the weapon and not launch it. Yet he had, he had and over thirty million people had died.

Died at his hand, he who claimed to dislike unnecessary violence, who wished to change things from the inside. He had caused so much death, so much suffering.

He ended up on the jetty staring out onto the water. All he had wanted since he was nine years old was to atone for his sins, to be given the death he deserved for the evils he had done. Yet... all he had done was caused more evil, more suffering...

[Does anyone dare to disturb him?]

Comments

[threshprinceoffuckyou]

[ Look at that douchebag dragging his sorry ass around town. Karkat Vantas, life coach, can't take it anymore. It's his lunch break anyway, so he steps outside and yells: ]

HEY DOUCHEWAD, you're going to stink up the whole place the way you're marking your territory with your desperation. The fuck is your problem?

[smupette]

[If there was a person who would dare approach a disturbed, upset, or listless person. It is Sis. Not that she can help in the emotional aspect of things, but she is here to listen.]

Kururugi. [Sis calls out to him. This was her spot by the water anyways. It's where she came when she needed to see her brother.]

What the hell is wrong?

[Friday]

[veepofchess]

Lelouch led Suzaku back to his room in the Prefect's Headquarters. As his Weapon, he didn't expect there to be a problem. Once they were in his room, he shrugged off his coat and got comfortable. "Whenever you're ready, Suzaku."

[countryofassholes]

"Hmm... looks like someone hasn't been taking care of themselves." Came Britannia's voice as she approached from his side and calmly took one of his hands into her own, observing the bleeding knuckles.

The lake had been her area of solace lately, a replacement for the one she couldn't visit at home, which had been a swinging bench. She didn't seem to need it as much here, admittedly, but from time to time it was nice to have a moment's quiet to herself. Just to think and listen to the sounds of water, anyway.

That she found Suzaku here today was unsurprising, people came down to the water all the time to contemplate escape or just for the sake of wandering. What had been a shock was his soaked, "kicked-puppy" state. She'd never seen him so gloomy, which was saying something when gloomy was usually all he was. (Well, that and grimly determined.)

As she slid her thumb over bruised flesh and avoided the places where the skin had been broken, she sighed and finally looked up until his eyes. "Maybe Lelouch isn't the one who needs babysitting."