rakuen | text;

[ After a moment of awkwardly standing there, John lets out a bit of a huff of air. ]

<<'Please say something? I know I sound weird. I mean, I'm pretty sure. I can't tell from first-hand experience, but...'>>

[He runs a hand through his hair, messily signing back.]

<<'I just didn't expect that. I guess. But hey, if talking makes you awkward, I guess I can do something in return. Not sure what, but shoot, fairs fair?'>> [Not that he knows what he could do in return for John talking. He certainly couldn't talk back or anything.]

[ John grins sheepishly and shrugs a bit ]

<<'It's not too awkward, I just never really talk to people outside of speech therapy or telling someone I don't know that I'm deaf.

So it's less awkward and more something I've never really done before.'>>

<<'It was kind of cool. Hearing you talk.'>>

[It didn't really bother him that he couldn't talk. Sometimes he wish he did. When it came to his friends and stuff, but he didn't really care most of the time. The fact that John was deaf was actually nice. Because he didn't have to talk to be able to communicate with John.]

<<'But seriously. I guess I'd like to do something in return. Which isn't a whole fucking lot.'>>

<<'It was?'>>

[ That's... news to John. But interesting information! He should practice talking with Jade. Or maybe Vriska. No, Vriska would be a jerk about it. Not that he minds much, that's just Vriska, but he'll stick with Jade, probably. ]

<<'Well, if you think of anything. It's cool if you don't think of anything, though.'>>

[He nods at John's question. Maybe he'd convince John to get better at it. If John could talk and read lips. He could probably get by with actual conversations. That would be cool.

He thinks a bit and instinctively moved to lift his sunglasses up, but stops and lets his arms drop. Technically, it would be easier if Dave didn't wear them while he signed, but he was also too self conscious for that. And really, he's too scared to do that. Even if it's John.]

<<'I'll think of something eventually I guess.'>>

[ One day, he'll do it. And it will be an awesome moment, and John will appreciate it greatly.

Until then, though, John can follow him well enough with the sunglasses and the deadpan. ]

<<'Well until then, I'll just be the freaky one.'>>

[ He flops down on the bed that he's hoping is Dave's, and signs at the ceiling. ]

<<'We're going to get home at some point, right? Or... back to the Session so we can do our stuff and kick ass and save everything?'>>

[ He glances at Dave so he can see any response Dave might have to that. ]

Edited 2012-01-25 09:31 (UTC)

[He would have made a comment about John always being kind of freaky, but he's more distracted about the rest of what John has to say.

Getting back...Dave rubs his temples. Whenever he thought about the Session and what he had to do next, it hurt. And he knew it hurt because he didn't actually remember what he was doing. There was just a huge gap in his memory.]

<<'I don't know. I've been here a week and it looks like people can just disappear at random. But I don't think we can choose to go back or not. Who're we saving exactly?'>>

[Wait. He doesn't even know where John is on the timeline. He should know this.] <<'What the fuck do you remember last anyways?'>>

<<'Saving us. Dad and everybody and us. And maybe the trolls? It's all really confusing, but it's important, I know that much.'>>

[ John almost asks what that could possibly mean to Dave before he remembers - right, time shenanigans. ]

<<'I got to my quest bed and Vriska put me to sleep so I could take an epic nap, and then I woke up on the train.'>>

[Dave freezes up at the mention of Dad and everybody else. John...was so behind. John hadn't even reached god tier yet, but that felt ages ago for him.

He wasn't sure what to say now. He could bring John up to what he remembers, but he knew he'd be glossing over a lot of details that he couldn't completely recall either or things that some of the others knew.

Dave holds his hands up to sign...then just drops them again. Fuck.]

[ John watches Dave and-- well, he doesn't know how to read that. The freezing, the aborted signing. Either something really bad happened, or Dave can't remember, or he's worried about messing up the timeline. He's not sure, though. ]

<<'You're time dude. Know all sorts of stuff you can't spoil me for. It's cool, dude.'>>

<<'No, I can tell you. I'm pretty sure it won't screw with the timeline at all. My guess is anything that happens here doesn't apply to what happens there.'>>

[He pauses.] <<'I can fill you in. But it's whether you want to know or not'>>

[Deep down he kind of hopes John says he doesn't. But he knows that not knowing as much as everyone else can be a pain or annoying.]

[ Oh. Well. John looks back at the ceiling, purses his lips, and starts thinking. The funny thing is that despite knowing that other people are there and knowing that they can see him, sometimes when he looks away, it's like they've disappeared, and he's in his own little world until something reminds him that he's not alone.

So his expressions play across his face openly, more than they would if he was looking at Dave, maybe. He's... scared, uncertain, because there's something that just implies bad things when someone says that it's up to you whether you want to know or not. So something bad happened, he's going to assume that. Something bad happened and he has to decide if it would be worse to know what it is or worse to know that it happened and that Dave knows what happened, but not actually know what happened.

Finally his face settles on something determined and he pushes himself into a sitting position. ]

<<'Okay, fill me in.'>>

[Fuck.

He pauses for a little while before he starts signing to John. He goes over everything he can remember and what he knows. Things he knows, but isn't sure why. He goes over John ascending to god tier and how he's the first one to do so. How Rose went grimdark (he can't sign her name to him though because he doesn't know what it is). Dave stops for a bit though.

The next part comes out relatively quickly. He signs it rather sloppily, but his hands are shaking and he has to tell John that their parents are dead (he fails to mention Sis though, since he doesn't remember that, so he actually assumes she's alive doing Sis shit) and everything up until he actually meets up with Jade. He doesn't remember that. He doesn't remember what comes after either. Dave knows he should, but fuck if this place isn't really good at taking important memories away.

And god, Dave is so glad he can keep that really stupid nonchalant expression up and he shoves his hands into his pockets before the other can tell that they were shaking. Even though inside, he might be screaming obscenities and what not.]

[ Oh.

Oh.

John's glad he's already sitting, because he's not honestly sure that his legs wouldn't have given out learning that. He's not sure who this girl is who went grimdark... maybe that's the Rose whose name he knows, who he can't remember. He made God Tier, which he knew 'cause Vriska told him, and they--

It doesn't matter. All of the rest of that doesn't matter because his dad is dead. His dad who learned sign language before John was old enough to even know what words were, so that he could teach John as young as possible. His dad who worked his ass off for two years to put him into an expensive boarding school a state away, and then who pulled him out and started homeschooling him when John was miserable not really able to connect with the kids at said expensive boarding school. His dad who is the only person he's ever expressed his frustrations about being deaf to, the only person he's relied on as far as his deafness goes.

He takes a few shaky breaths and pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to process it all, trying not to freak out. He's not crying. Not yet. He's just trying to process it.

It's not working very well. ]

[And Dave just stands there. Because he doesn't honestly know what to do at the moment.

And god, he really hope John doesn't start crying. Because it would be his fault and he's already made Jade cry a few times and he really can't deal with all his closest friends crying. Maybe John will be like him. React very aggressively and punch things. God, maybe he'd feel better if John wailed on him like no other. Even if he's kind of sore still and getting wailed on by your best friend isn't exactly something he'd consider a good time. Because, honestly, it isn't. But John being angry about Dave being an ass seems better then John crying because his dad is dead.

But he just continues to stand there. Expression unchanging and just...honestly being useless. He's waiting. Waiting to see what John says or does next. Seeing if maybe he has to play the badguy for a little while.]

[ John raises his hands a couple of times to sign and can't quite manage it. His hands are shaking. Eventually, he fishes his PDA out from his pocket and spends a moment typing into it.

This is one time he's legitimately glad he can not sign. ]

i think
i think i need to
i don't know.
i need to do something.
what is there to do here?

[ He looks a little desperate. Maybe if he doesn't think about it right now, it won't be true. It hasn't happened yet. If he gets back, he can change it.

Yeah.

And he doesn't need to freak out about it because he won't let it happen. He won't. ]

[Oh hell naw. He'd let you cry. He'd let you beat him until he looked like shit. But he wasn't going to let you pretend this wasn't something that will happen.

That has happened to him already and that it will happen to John.

And Dave knows he's going to come off as really insensitive, but if John doesn't come into terms with it now, he'll eventually later. And he doesn't want that to suddenly happen when he's least expecting it.

<<'John. He's dead. He might not be dead yet for you. But he's dead. There is no amount of him that isn't dead. He's gone. Nothing you do or think you can do is going to change this. He's fucking dead. Pushing daisies. Six feet under. I will give you every version of this if I have to.'>>

[>Dave: Be the insensitive douchebag.]

<<'NO.'>>

[ John unfolds himself and stands up, and while he can't raise his voice, the emphaticness of his gestures make up for that. There's a sort of hysterical determined glint in eye. ]

<<'He's not dead yet. He's not dead and I can change it and I will find a way to change it. He's not dead yet. I am awesome, and I'm going to be god tier and I will save him.'>>

[ He's shaking. And Dave can take him at his word and drop the subject and help him not freak out, or he can push him and break him. It's going to happen anyway, but it can happen now or it can happen in a day or two when he's unable to keep not breaking anymore. ]

[No. Fuck you, John. He isn't going to let you do this to yourself. Even if it hurts so fucking much, it isn't going to do them any good if you think that you can suddenly save Dad or Mom or anyone who's going to have to die for this stupid fucking session.]

<<'No, Egbert. That's not how it fucking works. Your dad is going to fucking die like how her mom is going to fucking kick the goddamn bucket to.'>> [His signing is becoming more clipped and it's obvious Dave doesn't care if he looks annoyed or pissed or that it's obviously showing up in how he signs, because this is a stupid thing to be arguing over.]

<<'You can't fucking change something that's going to happen, because it's going to fucking happen. You probably won't even know it happens until it does. Well fuck, that's how shit works. Your amount of awesome is invalid and not enough to fucking change that. He's going to fucking die and you're going to have to come to fucking terms with that.'>>

<<'I CAN.'>>

[ He's shaking and his breathing is getting a little ragged and tears are probably not far away ]

<<'I can. I have to. I have to because if I can't then he's GONE, and he's all I've got and if I don't have him then it's just me.'>>

[ And oh, he's trying not to cry, but that's a tear there. Right there. ]

<<'I'm not Jade, I can't do the growing up alone thing, I need to have somebody. So he CAN'T be gone. I have to save him. I have to, so shut the fuck up and stop telling me I can't!'>>

<<'Don't be so fucking stupid, Egbert. I didn't say anything about you growing up alone. You still have three people behind obnoxiously colored texts.'>>

[And he knows that it isn't the same as having someone who raised you. But it's stupid to say you're growing up alone when you're going to be with three other people stuck in the same fucked up session as you.]

<<'But I'm not letting you fucking lie about something that's going to have to happen. Because it is going to happen, and nothing we say or do is going to change what's going to fucking happen.>> [Because Dave knows that them dying is part of the Alpha timeline. Not that he'll admit to John unless he keeps pushing this crazy bullshit that John can actually do something about it.]

[ John covers his face with his hands, and a strangled little noise, almost a mewling sort of noise, escapes him. He doesn't even realise it. All he knows is that his chest feels like it's being crushed, and his eyes are burning, and it's taking every ounce of willpower for him not to just... start crying.

This is Dave. Dave's about being cool and not crying or anything like that and he's not going to cry. He's not going to sob, he's not going to be broken even though he's 13 and he just found out that he's pretty much an orphan now. Or... will be shortly after he gets back. He's Schrödinger's orphan, but that's not the point.

The point is that he's standing in the middle of Dave's room, trying (and failing) not to cry.

He pushes his glasses up and scrubs at his face, staring intently at his feet while signing. ]

<<'I should go.'>>

[ ...DAVE. HUG YOUR BRO, DAVE. ]

[If John only knew that Dave isn't as cool as he says he is. That there's a lot of things he does and says that would shock the other. That inside, he's flipping out, but he won't show that. He won't tell John how much this is tearing him apart, because John doesn't need to know.

He's just been told his dad is dead. There's no way he's going to give John any extra baggage.

Dave can deal with everything else.

He chews the inside of his cheek for a moment before he grabs the other and pulls him into an awkward hug. Dave doesn't really know how to do this comforting shit. He's pretty sure that's Jade's department or something. Not his.]

[ John doesn't really think about his reaction to the hug. Dave's arms go around him, awkward though it might be, and Dave latches on. He buries his face in Dave's shoulder and just stands there.

He doesn't cry, not really, but he shudders a bit, and feels Dave's heartbeat, and steadies his breathing. He has someone. He has Dave, and he has Jade. Even if they're all a little fucked up, he has them. They're not his dad, but they're someone, they're two someones, that he can rely on to be there for him if he needs them.

He'll probably cry himself to sleep tonight, but this, right now... this is the important part. The part where he can be in denial or he can accept it, and...

Dave wouldn't lie to him. If there was a chance he could really change it, Dave would have his back. And he doesn't want to think about it, but if Dave's telling him that it absolutely isn't going to happen... ]

Thank you.

[ It's muffled by Dave's shoulder, garbled by a mixture of his emotion and his normal garbling, but there you go. He's not quite ready to let go just yet.

He has to remind himself that he still has someone. ]

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