rakuen | [city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

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[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] opened memo RAUNCHY RAINBOW ASSHOLE SESSION --

IT FINALLY HAPPENED.
IT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!
ROUND UP YOUR LITTLE NEWS SCUTTLEBUGS, VARIOUS PRINTING PRESSES AND EVERY FORM OF THINKABLE MEDIA
GATHER UP YOUR BELOVED AND HATED ONES AROUND THE EARTH FIRE
BECAUSE IT IS WITH A HEAVY HEART AND A CONSTIPATED EXPRESSION THAT I PRESENT TO YOU "THE NEWS"
KARKAT VANTAS HAS OFFICIALLY LOST HIS MIND!
IT TOOK HIM *THIS* LONG?
APPARENTLY, GIVE THE TROLL A PRIZE
YOU’D THINK THE FACT THAT HE CURSED HIS SUBORDINATES BY ACTIVATING A FILE, FUCKED HIS SESSION SIDEWAYS, WATCHED HELPLESSLY AS HIS TEAM CRUMBLED APART BEFORE HIS VERY EYES AND MURDERED EACH OTHER AND SENTENCED HIS NEW ALIEN PALS TO DAMNATION BY GIVING THEIR (SPOILER ALERT!!) UNIVERSE CANCER WOULD’VE DONE IT
BUT NOPE
WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT THAT THE THING, THE ONE MINISCULE THING THAT WOULD PUSH HIM OFF THE EDGE OF SANITY INTO TEREZI’S PERSONAL GAME PARLOR, WOULD BE A DOUCHEBAG WITH PURSED LIPS AND A SUPER FLIGHTY BROAD DEBASING HIM IN FRONT OF HIS TEAM???
YEAH THAT WAS KIND OF A WILD CARD ENDING, HUH.

BEFORE ANY OF YOU NOOKWADS MAKE A MORONIC STATEMENT ABOUT HOW I AM APPARENTLY NOT FUCKING INSANE THEN LET’S CONSIDER THE OTHER POSSIBILITIES SHALL WE?
POSSIBILITY A: THE MORE LIKELY POSSIBILITY OTHER THAN INSANITY. I AM IN A FUCKING DREAMBUBBLE. HOLY MILKBEAST, BATMAN, WHAT A RELIEF! HOW ENJOYABLE IT IS FOR ME TO LAY UNCONSCIOUS ON TOP OF A PILE OF HARD-EDGED OBJECTS WHILE HORRORTERRORS VIOLATE MY YOUNG SUPPLE FLESH AND TEASE FORTH THE GENETIC MATERIAL FROM MY FREAKY ALIEN GENITALIA. THANK YOU, HORRORTERROS, BECAUSE MY SHAME GLOBES NEEDED A NEW MATESPRIT. THEY'RE NOT IN VERY GOOD TERMS WITH MY RIGHT CLAW RIGHT NOW!
POSSIBILITY B: THIS IS ALL FUCKING REAL.
HA HA HA HA HA
LOOK AT THESE QUIRKY WORDS SPEWING FORTH FROM MY ABSURDITY PALATE
BECAUSE THIS PLACE MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WITHIN THE CONTINUITY OF TIME/SPACE
LET ME WRITE ALL OF THIS DOWN FOR MY NEXT BOOK "THE MULTIVERSE: A DUMBASS'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY" WHERE I WILL BE LAUDED THE NEXT TROLL ALBERT EINSTEIN.

...
OK THE POSSIBILITY THAT THIS IS REAL IS STILL THERE AND IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW.
TROLLS AND HUMANS THAT I KNOW, REPORT IN.
IF YOU DON’T REPORT IN AND YOU ARE ACTUALLY, IN FACT, IN THIS PLACE, WHATEVER IT IS, THEN LET ME JUST SAY YOU ARE GETTING A HEAPING DOSE OF "HAHAHA WOW" AND A SIDE ORDER OF "FUCK YOU AND JUST REPORT IN, YOU MENTALLY DEFICIENT PIECE OF SHIT."

FYI I AM PRESENTLY HELD HOSTAGE AT THE CAMPUS KNOWN AS "CONQUEST", HUNCHED SURREPTITIOUSLY WHILE I USE MY SHITTY NEW PDA AS MY PEERS PASS ME BY WITH HATEFUL JUDGMENT IN THEIR EYES.
IS THERE A MORE CONVENIENT COMMUNICATING DEVICE (A.K.A. HUSKTOP) BECAUSE THIS IS SHIT
NO, MY BAD, THIS IS THE SHIT SHIT *EATS*.

P.S. WHAT *ON EARTH* (LITERALLY) ARE BALLS
WHY ARE THEY REQUIRED TO DESCEND
DOES SANTANA HAVE THEM
AND MORE IMPORTANTLY IS SHE USING THEM TO ESTABLISH SUPERIORITY OVER ME

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

oh my sweet jegus fucking lord
DID YOU BOTH ARRIVE AT THE SAME TIME???
one asshole was bad enou-
...
chaperonesgrubs???
what are you
a mom???

POINT A: FUCK YOU.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, AND YET I ALREADY KNOW JUST HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.
POINT B: YES, WE ARRIVED AT THE SAME TIME, PROVING CONCLUSIVELY THAT DIVINE BEINGS CANNOT EXIST.
POINT C: WHAT THE FUCK IS A "MOM?"
I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE JUST MAKING UP WORDS AT THIS POINT.
POINT D: HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE EVEN LOWER ON THE SPECTRUM THAN I AM.
HOW THE FUCK HAVE YOU SURVIVED THIS LONG???
AT LEAST I HAVE THE DECENCY TO TYPE IN A LESS EYE-SEARINGLY FUCKAWFUL COLOR.
BUT YOU?
OH, YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THAT, AREN'T YOU.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

point a
not interested
go fuck yourself thanks
skipping point b because i dont want to know
point c
dictionary
use it learn it live it
but since you probably have no fucking clue
a mom is like a fucking lusus except it isnt one and actually describing what a mom is harder then i thought
look it up gog
wait
spectrum???
what are you fucking talking about???
dave strider
male
13
fortitude

[He was so polite, he gave you his asl. Isn't that nice?]

"A FUCKING LUSUS EXCEPT IT ISN'T ONE."
WOW, GEE.
THAT'S FUCKING INCREDIBLE.
YOU SOMEHOW MANAGED TO SPEW SEVEN SOLID WORDS OUT OF YOUR HIDEOUS MAW THAT WERE EVEN LESS USEFUL THAN THE REST OF THE INCOMPREHENSIBLE BULLSHIT LEAKING FORTH FROM YOU.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST SAID?
"THIS IS PROPOSITION A, EXCEPT IT IS NOT PROPOSITION A."
IF I WERE TO LISTEN TO YOUR INEBRIATED WORDVOMIT, I COULD LITERALLY PROVE EVERYTHING IN FORMALIZED MATHEMATICS.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS?

IT MEANS THAT
NOTHING
YOU
SAY
HAS
ANY
VALUE.

FUCK, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
FINE.
SINCE I HAVE TO LIVE IN YOUR PRESENCE FOR THE NEXT GOD KNOWS HOW LONG
(IF YOU CAN EVEN CALL THAT LIVING)
AND SINCE WE'RE EVIDENTLY THE SAME AGE
I MIGHT AS WELL GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT AND EXPLAIN.

THE "HEMOSPECTRUM," AS THE NAME MIGHT IMPLY, IS A LOVELY LITTLE SYSTEM WHERE YOUR BLOOD COLOR QUICKLY INDICATES YOUR WORTH.
IT IS THE DOMINANT FORM OF DETERMINING WHO IS UP FOR CULLING NEXT IN THE BEAUTIFUL LAND OF ALTERNIA,
AND SOMEHOW YOU'VE MANAGED TO END UP AN EVEN SHITTIER COLOR OF RED THAN I HAVE.
AND CONSIDERING THAT I'M BASICALLY THE MOST HIDEOUS MUTANT EVER SEEN ON THE PLANET'S FACE?
CONGRATULATIONS, HUMAN DAVE STRIDER.
YOU'RE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS (IN ALTERNIAN TERMS) THAN I AM.

LET THAT SINK IN FOR A MOMENT.
CHERISH THAT AWARD, YOU STUPID LITTLE BALL OF FUCKSTAINS,
BECAUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THIRTEEN SWEEPS SOMEONE HAS NOT JUST EQUALLED BUT SURPASSED ME IN ABSOLUTE AWFUL.

OH MY FUCKING GOD
STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS THINK PAN NUMBINGLY RETARDED
DO US ALL A FAVOR AND *LEAVE*.

WHAT THE FUCK
NO, YOU SHUT UP.
I AM SCHOOLFEEDING THIS LITTLE WIGGLER
YOU WAIT YOUR GODDAMN TURN DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME

OOPS, LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WANTS THE FUCKING TIME OUT CHAIR LODGED UP THEIR ASS!!!!
THIS IS MY MEMO. THIS IS MY KINGDOM. STRIDER IS PART OF *MY* CREW.
IF YOU DON'T LEARN HOW TO PLAY NICE, TAKE YOUR TOYS AND GTFO.

woah woah woah
when the fuck did you decide
i was going to be your bitch???
i never agreed to being some assholes whore
btw asshole is you jsyk
so lets back the car up into the parking lot and fucking shift that gear into park
you dont just fucking decide that shit

OH.
SO THIS ISN'T DAVE FROM THE ALPHA TIMELINE?
BECAUSE IN YOUR FUTURE, YOU ARE GOING TO BE MY BITCH
YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE IT FROM BEHIND LIKE A MAN AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT.
WHICH IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO FOR YOU!

OK, MIDWIFE, FLOG HIM IF YOU WANT, I DON'T GIVE A SQUEAKBEAST'S ASS ANYMORE.

WHAT NO FUCK YOU
I CATEGORICALLY REFUSE ON THE GROUNDS THAT YOU EVEN CONSIDERED IT FOR HALF A FUCKING MOMENT.

ALSO IF YOU EVEN *JOKE* ABOUT THE TIME-OUT CHAIR
I WILL PERSONALLY FIND YOU
AND THIS TIME, THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE.

FIVE.
WHOLE.
MINUTES.

gog
both of you
just get a room
you two are giving everyone second hand embarrassment from you two fighting
its like watching someone scream at themselves

SPOILER ALERT: THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THIS FUCKING IS, STRIDER.
SPOILER ALERT #2: ONE OF US HAS TO BACK DOWN EVENTUALLY
AND IT SURE AS FUCK ISN'T GOING TO BE ME.

AND IT SURE AS FUCKING HELL ISN'T GOING TO BE ME.
I GUESS WE SHOULD MAKE ARRANGEMENTS TO CAMP OUT HERE!
BECAUSE FUCK YOU, IS WHY.

ok
you two enjoy your little camp on
im fucking outtie

--turntechGodhead [TG] ce-
no fuck this im just outtie

ok fuckass
the reason it isnt a fucking lusus is because
it isnt whatever the fuck your lusus bullshit is
but they apparently do the same job
as in take care of children and shit
so fuck off
also apparently your lusus arent related to whoever the fuck is taking care of them
thats another difference
now suck your fucking dick and shut up
evidently???
i think we already established the bullshit that is youre apparently like six sweeps old
which is bullshit btw
i refuse to believe you guys are six
but apparently its the same age as thirteen years old
look
youre learning something new
indulge yourself in the shitasticness of human culture
also spoiler
all humans have the same colored blood
you will learn quickly that no one gives a flying fuck about your hemospectrum
we have other ways of determining worthlessness here apparently
wait
wait fuck
fuck shit
thirteen sweeps???

<font color="#626262>THERE, SEE? THAT WAS AN ALMOST COHERENT EXPLANATION. GREAT JOB, STRIDER HUMAN, WE'LL MAKE AN IMPERIAL PROFFIRESTARTER OUT OF YOU YET. AND WHAT'S MORE, YOU'VE GIVEN ME MORE INFORMATION: THAT YOU HUMANS AGE IN SOME FUCKED UP DIFFERENT WAY. SAME COLOR BLOOD? THAT IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. WHY ELSE WOULD YOU DISPLAY THERE ARE NO WORDS IN ANY DICTIONARY THAT HAS EVER BEEN WRITTEN OR WILL EVER BE WRITTEN THAT CAN ACCURATELY SUMMARIZE THE LOATHING I FEEL FOR YOUR ENTIRE RACE RIGHT NOW, STRIDER. YES, THIRTEEN SWEEPS. THAT WOULD PUT ME AT, WHAT, TWENTY-EIGHT "YEARS" OLD??? THERE. YOU ANSWERED MY QUESTIONS, I ANSWERED YOURS. IT'S LIKE A HAPPY LITTLE MUTUAL SCHOOLFEEDING EXCHANGE, EXCEPT FOR THE PART WHERE I'M PHYSICALLY NAUSEATED BY THE VERY FUCKING CONCEPT.

if you cut every fucking human here
theyll bleed the same color
but seeing as this might potentially get all of us into the infirmary or into trouble
i advise you dont actually go cut everyone and take my word for it
also fuckass
your race
is the reason ours exist
in some bullshit time shenanigans that make absolutely no fucking sense
gog
would you
would you just shut up
this is worst then prototyping lil cal to my kernelsprite

THERE YOU GO AGAIN, USING YOUR STUPID HUMAN WORDS.
"KERNELSPRITE?"
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD WE EVER CREATE A RACE AS SHITTY AS YOURS?
YOU ARE ACTUALLY BEYOND COMPREHENSION, STRIDER.
NOT A SINGLE WORD YOU SAY IS CARRYING EVEN THE SLIGHTEST SHRED OF SOMETHING YOU WOULD CALL "SENSIBLE"
ALL THAT'S LEFT IS VAPID AIRS AND THE STEADY STREAM OF MANURE POURING FORTH LIKE A WATERFALL.
IT'D BE BEAUTIFUL IF IT WEREN'T SO FUCKING ANNOYING.

YOU'RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING ME.
I AM SITTING HERE WITH TEARS STREAMING DOWN MY FACE BECAUSE OF UTTER MORTIFICATION
A KERNELSPRITE IS AN ARTIFACT FROM THE GAME WE PLAYED.
A GAME THAT FUCKING MADE THE HUMAN'S UNIVERSE.
IT WAS PRETTY SWEET.
BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU, I HAVE AMBITION.

you know what
vantas
go educate
yourself
him
whatever the fuck you want to call other you
im so fucking done with this right now
im out of fucks to give
and you both type the same way
ie annoying as fuck
the only way i can tell you guys apart is one of you is dumber then the other
congratulations vantas
you are actually
smarter
then this shitty mom version of you is

HE IS NOT ME.
HE IS A VASTLY GENETICALLY INFERIOR VAPID DOUCHEBAG WITH MUTANT BLOOD THAT WANTS TO MAKE MY LIFE A LITTLE BIT MORE MISERABLE AT EVERY TURN
WAS MY SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE EVEN PUT INTO QUESTION HERE???
LOOK AT THE MIDWIFE -- HE IS A DROOLING MORON.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[city wide network post: look who got a pda][jaws theme][karkat shut up]

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