rakuen | On the platform: Meet the new characters!

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On the platform: Meet the new characters!

As you all crowd onto the platform and peer through the thick fog that chills the air, you are met by four girls and five boys. One of the girls is a somewhat humanoid grey-skinned, finned alien, but the rest all seem human. All nine are in uniforms that would match if not for the colour differences - skirts and trousers, waistcoats, and light summer shirts that seem totally inappropriate for the dense fog. They're all sodden and cold, and most are irritable. Each has a beret with a crest pinned to the front - three depicting a shield on green, the other six a sword on red.

At the first lull in the chatter, one sickly-pale, shield-crested girl speaks up, cutting through your conversations with her cold, soft voice.

"Attention, please."

She explains that the nine of them are the current prefects of Rakuen, representing the two schools on the island. Nanami, she points to herself, Yuri and Lelouch of Fortitude; and Santana, Flynn, Feferi, Gino, Nephenee and Kevin of Conquest. She doesn't care to explain why the prefects in red and white outnumber those in green and black two to one.

Santana interrupts, "Yeah, yeah. Look, come over when your name is called so we can all get inside." They all move to stand in two groups some distance away from each other, and the two that spoke read off names from their clipboards.

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[Wow, that was super uncool. He's just going to fumble with his PDA...]

you can talk

[No shit, Sherlock. Way to make yourself seem even dumber. You are just made of good ideas today, Dave. Please just go back to your room and hide under your blankets wondering who let you get up in the morning.]

[ He glances over and responds exactly how Dave expected himself to respond: ]

No shit I can. And you can't for some reason, which is just as fucking duh.

[ It's not too hard to take a guess at that much. He knows himself and he knows that he wouldn't type shit out on a PDA unless he had a good goddamn reason. Maybe this is another doomed Dave who somehow got his vocal chords damaged?? But that doesn't explain his reaction. Fuck if he knows. ]

You wanna share what the hell is going on here?

[Resists urge to smack himself in the face. Wow, didn't even know making a fool of yourself in front of...well yourself was possible. Fuck his life.]

it was like god
wanted to try punishing me by taking away my sweet voice
it was a travesty to everyone though
i could never talk
it was never a thing for me
but everyone kind of keeps expecting me to be able to
so apparently me talking is more normal then me not talking???

[That awkward feeling where you're acutely aware that everyone is expecting you to talk, but you can't. It's kind of unsettling. All these people he recognizes and knows, but it's not actually them exactly.]

yeah i can fill you in
this is rakuen
we fight and shit via pulling weapons out of other peoples chests
seriously shit is so bizarre here sometimes
fortitude is full of psychos
conquest is full of assholes
schools fight each other
shit happens
its actually not too bad
everyone is popping up like crazy
rose is blind for some reason
john is deaf
other john is normal surprisingly enough
sis is here
theres a shitton of trolls popping up like weeds
...
oh
uhm
jade is here too
like as in
jade
from your timeline
that jade

[He doesn't mention Dirk though. He doesn't know how to feel about that guy yet.]

[ He peers over at the PDA, reading quickly and the impossible becomes cold hard reality: Dave's eyebrows raise even higher. ]

You could always talk. Shit before we even started with this time travel shit you could goddamn well talk someone's ear off so I don't know what the fuck you're on about. But alright. You can't talk. That's cool.

[ He talks as Dave types. ]

So this is all a sticky convoluted mess of timeline silly string with a side of "what the fuck that makes no goddamn sense also why am I in school again, I thought I got out of that when I became feathery and lost my legs". Alright. I can roll with that.

And bizarre, yep, just a little.

[ A pause, reading. ]

Why is Rose blind and why is John deaf.

And are you saying-- typing, whatever-- that there are two Johns. There should only be one at a goddamn time. John overload. My fan is broken because some asshole blew at it with the compressed air and my motherboard is frying in the face of so much potential genuine bad taste.

[ Sis, what the fuck. Dave is about to ask about that, but then... Dave stiffens. His Jade? She is someone he never thought he'd have to face. She is someone who should be dead. His hesitation lasts only a split second, and he swallows. ]

Jade's here. What is she, a zombie? A crispy, burnt meteor impacted zombie.

what the fuck
no
i could never talk
it was never a thing i could do
i had immersed myself in the art of
flailing my arms like an idiot in interpretive dance and pattern
im so pro at it
no one knows what the fuck im saying
because no one knows what asl is
for all they know
im asking for their age sex and location
and its actually kind of creepy
to hear me
you
talk
because this is the first time ive ever heard myself
you
oh my fucking shit i swear this is getting dumber by the minute
all my shit is being flipped off the proverbial handle
harder then a ballerina doing fucking pirouettes.

[Dave doesn't like the implication that he should be able to talk. Because...he can't.]

welcome to rakuen
if you were expecting for things to make sense
then you were hoping way too much
and rose is blind because she forgot how to see
oh right
so memories
you lost some
we all lost some
and its kind of retarded
its so fucktarded that it made rose forget how to see
i dont even know how thats even possible but it is
john is deaf because
well he is
welcome to the pocket universe full of alternate universes
we have two johns
and two karkats
oh dear god we have two karkats
its like the world is trying to make us suffer
i can deal with two derps
but dear lord being assaulted by angry grey capslock by two different sources
i swear i was going to lose it

[Oh he saw that bro. Totally saw that.]

naw
she was pretty skinny though
like
give her ten fucking sandwiches and a full course buffet skinny
but shes gotten better
and she isnt pissed angry or anything
that was like weeks ago
so your welcome
i took the heat

[It was like the worst few days of his life. You don't even know.]

[ He just shrugs and rubs at the back of his head, reading. His mind is kind of whirring here as he's thinking of Jade. ]

Pocket universe, alternate universes. All you needed to say. [ It is pretty fucking bizarre, but it isn't so hard to wrap his mind around anymore, after all the Daves he's personally met. ] Alright, you are a Dave who never could talk. Cool. Awesome even. Don't really care.

But I'm not so fucking dense that I don't know what ASL is. Shit if I know how to use it. This place sucks major ass already. Also, what is up with Sis. Don't tell me one of these alternate universes has our Bro as a chick or something because that is going to make me do a bonafide abscond up the peanut tree.

[ It'd be too obvious to sidestep the Jade thing, so he replies pretty quickly, eyes flicking off to the side under his shades. ]

I guess this is where I should thank you or whatever but you are shit out of luck, this feathery asshole does not have anything like that in stock. Not even an off-brand apology, the store shelves are bare as a tree in a Canadian winter.

Also what school are you in. Pretty sure I heard that girl call my name for Conquest.

if you want to learn
i can teach you the ropes
soon you can too
do your shitty stupid arm dancing
wait
what
no
what
are you telling me that
sis is a bro
because i will quit everything now
oh fuck it more alternate bullshit universes
sis is sis in my timeline

[Intelligent responses. He's sure been good at those lately.]

i dont want your shitty apologies anyways
im just fucking glad she still talks to me because it was almost a thing
her being like
yo i dont wanna be your friend so gtfo my life forever
and i was just like kay
but then fucking miracles and were still friends
the end
best story ever whatever
shell like to see you
its still jade
holy fuck its like theyre fucking with me
all these fucking striders up in conquest and im just chilling in fortitude like kay cool whatever
sis you and some fucker named dirk

[He's just going to bash his head in okay? This is all too stupid and too much. So Sis is actually Bro Fucking Strider in their timeline. Well...that would explain Jade's confusion. Funny how he never asked about that. God damn.

Also, fuck you Conquest. And your Strider snagging powers.]

Sure, show me how to flail with the best of them. And fucking yes he's a dude in my timeline. I'm just gonna avoid him-- her, whatever-- as much as is goddamn possible.

[ Shit, well. He shrugs. ]

I'll go talk to her sometime soon I guess. Fuck if I don't feel like shit though.

[ Yeah, Dave's caught onto him and he is him so fuck if Davesprite is going hide it. Honesty is not the best policy when it comes to this type of shit but who fucking cares. It's like talking into a mirror. ]

This is going to be the most awkward reunion ever. It will be two middle aged chumps playing the games at Chuck E Cheese only a thousand times worse because we are not playing games and haven't been for too fucking long. Alright, cool. I can roll with that just fine, even if you didn't cover my orange crush ass.

And shit sucks for you but at least we're not stuck with the psychopaths. What did they even do in Fortitude.

haha
oh fuck
trying to avoid sis
good luck with that
i bet if shes a ninja
so was bro
which means if she wants to show up
she goddamn will

[Oh yes. The avoiding the problem thing seems to run in their blood.]

shes pretty okay now
of course it was serkets fault shit hit the fan so stupidly
serkets a bitch though and i punched her in the eye for it
what type of stupid bitch lies about that type of crap anyways
jegus

[He keeps out the part where Vriska also beat the shit out of him. Okay.]

your headmistress is a fucking bitch
she throws a fit everytime we win
and she hands out penalties like candy
kill people
blow shit up
i wish this was all a joke but both has actually happened
go figure

[Dave also leaves out the part where he totally might have died once too.]

Yeah it's pretty futile but fuck if I'm not going to try.

[ He nods once and he adjusts his shades. ]

What the fuck did she even do to make Jade flip out so bad. Shit it's not like it's easy to get Jade mad.

I am so glad I am just stuck with an asshole for a headmistress rather than a bunch of murderers.

she told jade
we thought she was boring
and we left her to die
because that isnt a sore as fuck subject right???
it was pretty fucked up
and apparently jade had been stuck on the island for months before
so it wasnt like
hard to believe...

[Bluh. BLUHHHHH.]

man
fuck you
i rather deal with assholes then murderers tbh
the head prefect is so fucking nuts here
shes just like
oh let me just kill you
its okay
dying means nothing
teehee
that fucking bitch

[ Dave's face is straight as he reads that bit, but inwardly he is horrified. And though it feels dramatic, sickened too. Just the thought of something like that happening is enough to turn his stomach, and worse yet is the reality that Jade evidently bought that.

And more than that he is pissed, which shows on his face in the grimace across his mouth and the furrow of his brow. He doesn't even bother responding to that last bit. ]

Yeah, I'm going to do a lot more than punch her in the eye when I see that shit-gurgling assmunch. Where is she? I'm about fucking ready to pick a fight.

[Dave was pretty upset when he found out. He was also kind of sickened that Jade had believed her over him. But he's not really going to deal with that anymore. It's more of a dull pain at this point, and Jade seems to be happy.]

haha no oh man
john set her straight
its like
you throw john into a mess
and shes putty
which
err
huh
...
thats a line of thought im not going down
i havent really seen her around
which means shes still probably pissed at me
but shes in fortitude
so you wont really be seeing her
and i think
jade is trying to be her friend
but jade doing sane things is always questionnable

Don't care.

[ And holding a grudge is not very cool, but does he give a shit? After all the stuff he's been through? No, not really. The last thing anyone should do is fuck around with his friends. Especially a friend who is actually his friend, someone who knows him and not beta timeline Dave. ]

What does she even look like, I never saw her.

because thats totally cool

[Dave doesn't even know who's his friend or who's friends with this Dave who can apparently talk. God, he feels like some cheap defective toy at the moment.]

cerulean
long hair
has two eyes and like eight fucking pupils
its like some crazy spider bitch troll
i mean its not hard
you got your red tinker bell
your glow in the dark troll lady
and that spider bitch
the trolls arent exactly a large portion of the school populace
for some reason the school has a shitton of nations
id never thought id see the day where i can legit be like
yo
watch out for america
or some shit

[ ... Yeah, he needs to calm down. So he sucks in a silent breath and exhales, focusing on the motion. But it is not working very well. ]

Clue me in on anything I should know before I go knock her teeth in because I'm off otherwise.

wow
hold your horses
did you not read the manual???
youre in the other school
youre bound to fight against her
cause thats what happens here
each week the two schools duke it head on
best school wins
blablabla
so everyone gets to fight with their pretendy boob weapons
i mean what else should i call them
imaginary chest nub holograms???
the window to your soul
the shitty sword that comes out of your chest
because everyone is a sword i swear
but yeah
each week
a bunch of people are players
and we vow and shit
and we fight
and you win or lose and the best school wins that week
its this neverending cycle of fighting with pretendy weapons that actually somehow hurt
seriously
does anyone read the manuals???

[Dave honestly only read his because there was only so much you can do on that train...]

[ Shrug. ]

Shit, no, I did not read the manual. I was totally blacked out there so when I woke up the train was in the station so I floated out and well here we fucking are.

From what you're saying though I'm guessing we take turns being the fighters or whatever and I'm not waiting that long to kick her ass. And not by the rules of this kidnapping HQ anyways.

And it's not like there are fucking guard dogs set up at the entrance to Fortitude barking and frothing at the mouth, I can just float over there. Unless there literally are, in which case I can still fucking fly, caw goddamn caw.

read it
itll make life hell of a lot easier
no one here seems to have the actual patience to explain things
and the classes are so shitfucking boring
you might as well have some reading material

[Oh man. Other him is so smart. Goddamn they're so fucking cool.]

yeah
its kind of weird
they kidnapped us but instead they want us to play pretendy fights
and get money for it
also its so fucking random
who gets chosen
ive been a player like four goddamn times
out of five rounds
its just like
welp dave is still here
better make him a player
naw
no guard dogs
but they have rules
and we get penalized for the most ridiculous shit
and if youre gonna go break the rules
you might as well just hang with us then waste your breath
and time
on a stupid spider bitch man

[ OK, he is talking reason. Cold hard reason. No one calms Dave down like Dave does. Not always another Dave, but it's Dave nonetheless. ]

Right. Alright. I'll read it when I get a minute.

What the fuck is the penalty, is it just taking our lunch money or is it chaining us up. And what is that you were saying about nations? Did some Cheaper by the Dozen family with a real nifty penchant for ridiculous names come by and drop their kids at daycare or something??

[Dave is like his own drug.]

apparently it varies
they can deduct your money
but they also give out these shitty headaches and shit got so serious
the guy was like fucking down for like five minutes
were talking so painful he couldnt get up for a bit
not that i would know
fortitude really sucks at getting penalties apparently
that and someone tried to kill the headmistress at conquest

[Which is almost funny, except she kind of lost her shit like the crazy torturing bitch she is.]

your headmistress is like
torture trigger happy
everytime you guys fuck up
she just goes and brutalizes you guys
which is weird
because fortitude is ran
by a troll
and shes like
peace justice and friendship
suddenly im in a my little pony episode
but no
i mean
like
nations
like they are
how the fuck do you explain this
pretty much
you take the most fucking ludicrous and semi accurate stereotype
slap the nations name onto them
and voila
suddenly youre talking to england

Oh alright. Well I better not bring down the wrath of the psychotic kinky head broad then.

[ He gets it, so he nods once. ]

You weren't kidding when you said this place was bizarre. So how did we get here anyways. Shit I don't remember where I was last, so I don't have any fucking clue how I got here. I somehow doubt I knocked my head so guessing that's the memory thing at play here.

a good choice

[Dave thinks about where he was last. Nope. Blank. Oh god damn it.]

cool
apparently we both suck at the
where were we memory
because i cant remember shit passed
idk i was supposed to find jade
and then my memory is like
lolnope
also idk
i woke up on the train
and i was like
oh okay
this is totes cool

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On the platform: Meet the new characters!

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[from across the platform]

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